Good morning, Bangalore!
I have always believed that a nip in the air puts people in a more amiable frame of mind. There is a general feeling of well-being and everyone is not hassled with parched throats and rising temperatures, which, in my opinion, bring out the worst in people. Marriage season is in full swing and despite what the wily horoscope pundits may say about auspicious dates, winter in a tropical country like ours is the best season to be merry. October to December is a season for weddings and we marvel why so many babies are born in months of July to September!
There is something so special when your best friend’s child gets married. Even more so when the mothers are thick as thieves and so are their children. So when my best friend Alka celebrated her son’s Akshay’s wedding, my daughter (his friend) flew down from Mumbai to celebrate with the family. Alka’s gaggle of girlfriends was out in full force and as we danced, sang and celebrated in full force, two days flew by in a hazy blur. Even the horrendous traffic to and fro from the hotel in Whitefield couldn’t dampen our spirits. All of us have a son and daughter each, and without doubt our daughters take first place as far as our priorities go. We have educated them, taught them to stand on their feet and revelled in their every achievement. No excuses and no short cuts and now they are sassy, well-adjusted, successful and caring individuals who travel the world unaccompanied either on business or pleasure.
The problem arises when some men still cling to notions of entitlement and superiority. They are unable to come to terms with women empowerment and resort to the most hideous methods of ‘teaching us a lesson’. In numerous forums, I have always stressed on the fact that sexual debasement of women is not a crime of opportunity or sexual arousal… it’s about power! She can be dressed in a mini skirt or a nine yard saree, it wouldn’t matter. In India, they liken us to goddesses. For heaven’s sake, treat us as human beings first!
The recent inhuman spate of rapes in our cities brings us back to a burning question. We can teach women to be empowered, but who is going to teach the men how to behave with them? It is so infuriating that it takes a generation of empowered women to empower other women and try to change an unyielding system that is plagued with misogyny. I know this first hand because I was always considered ‘different’ and too outspoken even as a teenager. I was hounded, made fun of and told innumerable times by my teachers, peers and bosses to behave more ‘like a woman’! I remember being told that I would not get pregnant (that’s a hallmark of being a woman) because my hormones would get confused if I was not more ‘ladylike’. Misogyny at its best!
This was a topic of conversation everywhere. Even at our monthly Bangalore Wine Club soiree. The BWC boasts of highly erudite and emancipated men and women as members, and wine makers and guests from all over the world grace these soirees. There are business-people, professionals and authors who are members. My tete-a-tete with the charming Australian wine-maker Nick Pasudovas was an enlightening one. We take our monthly soirees quite seriously, with an emphasis on learning more about wines. The charming wine dinner, paired with some fabulous wines and painstakingly put together by Irfan Vazirally, our current president and his team, was spectacular. Even the guests were ‘paired’ appropriately at each table, fostering conversations. Nick was charmed by India and he was pleasantly surprised at the dichotomy between his conceptions and the ‘real’ India! We are not the land of elephants anymore and our women aren’t cows!
Till next week, stay safe…
Rubi Chakravarti
writer, actor and funny girl