CHENNAI : Hey Mercury! It’s me. You’re going backwards again and have arrived at our collective doorsteps in all your chaotic glory. You are spilling coffees on our shirts, striking fear in our hearts, and sabotaging carefully planned road trips everywhere. You are the dreaded and uninvited house-guest who always manages to overstay their welcome. You stagger in through my door, kick over all my furniture, leave crumbs all over the couch and hog the bathroom. Can you not right now? Please?
Sigh, you guys, Mercury is in retrograde again — which is when the planet slows down and the Earth begins to move faster. So it looks a lot like Mercury is going backwards; trust when I say that it feels like it too. Its key themes are communication, travel and disaster; and is also the most exciting scapegoat in town. You see, I like to blame everything on the planets. I also enjoy long walks into the ocean and throwing all of my electronics in the bathtub as I contemplate getting in it.
This period is all too stressful. I’m fairly certain it’s Mercury that’s to blame for the bus being late, my phone freezing up and emails going into the abyss. Luckily for me, magical thinking and a trifecta of beauty products solve most of my problems. All of these products shall be made available on a first-come, first-served basis at my bathroom door, immediately upon my passing.
I got a baby sample of Josie Maran’s argan oil a year back and have been converted to a happy lifetime consumer. This is honestly the most fabulous product I own. (Yes, I’m aware I say that a lot) I slather this on my face, neck, hair, and even cuticles! My face has that super carefree rich-girl glow the next morning — which honestly gives me life. I can wear an oversized t-shirt and jeans, roll out of bed and not brush my hair, and everyone will think that I’m famous, or at least friends with someone who is.
Mercury working overtime translates to stress, dark circles and lack of sleep. Investing in Estée Lauder’s Advance Night Repair eye masks is A+ at deceiving people into thinking that I come with a good night’s rest. Also recommended is a relaxing hot bath in Epsom salts. I soak in with a little essential oil cocktail of peppermint, chamomile and lavender which puts me straight to bed.
This is almost as good as when my mum sings me to sleep; who just to be clear, shall not be made available on a first-come, first-serve basis upon my passing.Oh well, I’ll leave you with some food for thought: if you spilled gin all over your computer or signed a lease for an apartment filled with termites, relax! It’s most definitely not your fault — we just blame everything on Mercury in retrograde.