Whataboutery around the #MeToo anniversary

The domestic worker who had to face her harasser daily because the job was too important to lose.

It’s the #MeToo movement’s anniversary this week, and a time as appropriate as ever to take stock of how far we have come. Some will say not too much, and there’s some truth in this — many of the accused remain unfazed while the complainants face charges or worse, some losing their careers. And many will talk of how much has been achieved — social media allegations it may be, but the sisterhood it gave rise to, the quiet solidarity of the movement, the many organisations that have finally set up an internal complaints committee as mandated by law, and the conversations we are having around consent.

Yes, it is true that we don’t yet have a way to hold powerful men, ‘worshipped’ men, ‘popular’ men and ‘useful’ men accountable, or imagine what being held accountable outside the legal system means; it is true that the #MeToo movement left out voices from the fringe, but that critique has been taken well, and it must be said that the movement has inspired talk about workplace harassment at trade unions, if nothing else. For this anniversary, I remember the stories of many people whose lives the #MeToo movement could have changed had it begun earlier, and hope that this history doesn’t repeat itself. The stories are all not black and white; they are grey and vague sometimes, and mostly messy and complicated.

A school student in class 9, fresh out of watching Gautham Vasudev Menon’s Minnale and inspired to ‘be’ in love, was encouraged by her friends and convinced that she likes this boy a few years her senior. The next few months were spent stalking him, telephoning his house only to hang up, walking past it multiple times a week just to get a glimpse of him at home, making friends with his friends, and learning all there is to know about him. Her friends were soon selling her ‘his stuff’ and making money out of an enterprise born from opportunity. When he left school three years later, she attempted self-harm. He probably didn’t have a clue she existed.

There was a girl in college who popped emergency contraceptive pills every day (oh, the times when it was available in plenty in the city) because her boyfriend refused to wear condoms. There were many other girls in college who thought being hit was a show of love. I didn’t believe that the one who lost two teeth and had to have her lip stitched was in an accident; I needed five minutes with the boyfriend to confirm it.  The policeman who refused to take a transperson’s complaint because she was, “After all, a sex worker”.

The domestic worker who had to face her harasser daily because the job was too important to lose. A woman continuing to fight a lonely, long battle against a firm that hires top-notch lawyers to defend the accused; her life has slipped away and his hasn’t. We don’t even know his name which today would’ve been impossible, and would have forced the company to take immediate action.

A tennis coach instructed teenage girls to sign up for MSN Messenger so many years ago and insisted that they come online at 9 pm daily. He’d be waiting, and once she was signed in he would send her adult jokes and explain them to her. She thought she was special till she became popular for the wrong reasons at school. Today, this man would simply be a predator.

That girl who had a great time at a party, and got into the backseat of a car without knowing what awaited her. A hand around her shoulder and a grope that left her wincing. Friends not believing it happened made it more painful. She will always remember the smirk on his face. He was making his first movie.

A young woman, star-struck on a film shoot was kissed twice by an actor. The third time she kissed him back, not wanting to lose the ‘opportunity’. “I did it,” she said excitedly, and came undone when I pointed out that she couldn’t have anything if he hadn’t wanted it. He’s a big star, she’s no longer in the industry.

The stories above are a mix of the past and the present, and many continue to be the reality of people’s lives. Has the #MeToo movement changed everything? No. But can the movement change everything? Yes. Slowly, but surely.

archanaa seker

seker.archanaa@gmail.com

The writer is a city-based activist,in-your-face feminist and a media glutton

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