There are some questions that only women get asked. Questions like, ‘Oh! You are doing something-a?’ and it’s more direct cousin ‘Do you work or…?’ Then there’s ‘Who is looking after your children while you travel/work/step out of your front door?’ That old favourite ‘How do you manage family and work?’ And ‘Oh! So you freelance? Like a hobby? Good to keep busy.’
I’ve been asked all these questions, and to tell the truth, my replies are usually laced with apprehension, panic and self-loathing. The words seem to trip over one another as they fall out of my mouth, and I end up babbling incoherently. Of course, the perfect answer always presents itself hours later, and I yelp out in the middle of dinner or watching television ‘I know what I should have said!’ and making the dog bark.
For those of you who find themselves in a similar predicament and wish to have a set of answers in your arsenal that will a) ensure you are not left looking like a gawping meerkat and b) prevent people from asking you such questions in the future, do read on.
‘Oh! You doing something-a?’ (variants include ‘Oh! I didn’t know you did something!)
This was once lobbed at me by a neighbour as he briskly walked around our building while I waited for a taxi. My response was a poorly strung together sentence that consisted of ‘consultant’ ‘freelance’ ‘communications’ ‘on a break’ and nervous laughter.
A better response might have been ‘Yes! I am doing my Kegel exercises and plotting world domination as we speak! What are YOU doing?’
‘Do you work or…’
Mostly asked at dinner parties where you don’t know anyone. If you’re in a heteronormative relationship, how much do you want to bet that no one asks your male partner this question?
You could reply by quoting Mark Twain, who once said, ‘Work is a necessary evil to be avoided’, and display your ability to Google quotes under the table, or perhaps you could answer with a question that sets off a philosophical debate and has people reaching for
another drink. Like, ‘What is work anyway?’
‘Who is looking after your children?’ Often followed up by ‘You’re so lucky your husband helps out!’
Answer part 1 of the question with ‘Oh no! I thought you were! Didn’t you get my text?’ Or ‘Alexa is an excellent baby sitter!’ And part 2 with ‘I know. I’m thinking of renting him out. Would you like to see the rate card?’ ‘How do you manage family and work?’
Channel your inner Lauren Groff who refused to answer this interview question till male authors were asked to answer it too.
‘Oh, so you work part-time? Like a hobby?’
‘Yes! I’m knitting an annual report at the moment and last week I turned in an eco-friendly communications audit that turns into a flowering plant once it gets composted.’
Women are always going to get asked stupid questions that make us question our choices, our self-worth, our abilities and talents. And by deigning to answer them, we legitimise their existence. So actually, the next time you’re faced with a rude, ill-conceived question chuck the answers above, do a Lauren Groff and refuse to answer.
Menaka raman
@menakaraman
The writer’s philosophy is: if there’s no blood, don’t call me