Nail bars, and other horror stories

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that getting your nails done must be the most relaxing and serene experience of your week.

CHENNAI: It is a truth universally acknowledged, that getting your nails done must be the most relaxing and serene experience of your week. There is something about sitting in a spine-grinding “massage” chair that slowly pushes into your skull; while your feet soak in a plastic tub that just seems like a fabulous idea. If you manage to stay put in your chair long enough, a rouge cheese grater meets the sole of your foot, followed by a 15-second shin bone massage. 

Don’t get me wrong: I love getting the resultant manicured nails, but leaving the nail bar with an increased risk of an antibiotic resistant super bug isn’t exactly my idea of a great evening.  I’ll keep going back though, but it does not make this a relaxing activity by any means or measure. It’s a chore, slightly less pleasurable than being on hold with my insurance company. 

This takes me back to one particularly gruesome manicure, the most painful one of my life. The technician clipped my cuticles raw, sawed an emory board into them, and filed the corners of my nails until there was no nail left. I was left with raw and stingy cuticles, torn skin and the corners of my nails irritated. When she was done, she put a top coat that was stained pink from red nail polish on top of my nude, which changed the colour. The whole procedure felt like hours, and my nails looked like they belonged to a 150-year-old hobbit. 

It gives me some solace knowing that my fate was not as saddening and horrifying as the poor woman who had to have all her toes on her right foot amputated because she went and got a fish pedicure done. Really, those things can bring no good into this world. Going to the salon right now is simply not an option, and there hasn’t been a better time to master doing your own nails at home. Like driving a car or curling your own hair — giving yourself a manicure free of globs, smudges, dents and spills on your couch is easier said than done.

The biggest herald of truth I can say to you is to file from underneath. This is especially important if your nails are brittle and thin, as it helps you see exactly what you’re doing. If your experiences at the salon have also left you jaded, I would strongly recommend against you trimming your cuticles at home. Healthy nails don’t need cuticles to be cut, and you can be left with a bloody massacre if cut incorrectly, not to mention the risk of infections. In the meantime, I’ll keep moisturising through the day and try viewing this activity less as a chore and more as self-care. Waiting for photos of your #quaranails!!

Saumya R Chawla @pixie.secrets

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