BENGALURU: Humans are selective in our love for animals. We love cows, but whip oxen to death. We are fascinated by tigers, but repelled by crocodiles. We rue the absence of sparrows, but become PV Sindhus with mosquito-rackets in our hands. Dangerous hippopotamuses are considered cute, while snakes are beaten to death. Like Karan Johar, we simply like animals that are photogenic.
Steve Irwin spent years with them, but no crocodile tried to kill him. Instead, he was killed by a sting-ray, who made it to my bad books immediately. Snakes are doing quite well for themselves without legs or a spine. I admire crows for sharing whatever food is available – socialists in a capitalist world. The gentle buffalo gives India most of its milk, but doesn’t take any credit. Lizards are quite underrated too. They are harmless, and like to stay away from humans. They are happy to eat insects that bug you, and bugs that…insect you (?). Chase a lizard, and it’ll coolly drop its tail and scamper.
A few weeks ago, I noticed a baby lizard in my bathroom. Light brown in colour, with large googly eyes and a little pink tongue. I wondered where the irresponsible parents were. I searched behind doors, and on the ceiling. Tube lights are like Goa for lizards – they hang out and guzzle down insects attracted to the light. However, with modern LED lights, I found no insects or lizards in my room.
The tiny thing was an orphan trying to make a home by himself (I assumed it was a boy because the toilet seat was never down!). I am quite a scaredy-cat when it comes to driving out insects and animals. I have let pigeons stay in my balcony till it resembled the sets of Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham. My maid – a kind lady with a toothy grin – bailed when she heard the word balli. I resorted to Google, but was recommended natural ways to kill lizards, or sprays that’d ‘terminate’ the problem in minutes. I tried scaring it with a broom, but it simply sneaked into the crevice between the door. I called professional cleaners and gently requested them to remove any lizards. The gentleman cleaning the bathroom immediately froze upon hearing the word ‘lizard’.
Finally, I decided to let the lizard be. I said hello every morning and often wondered what it ate. In movies, Amitabh Bachchan would grow up as an orphan by doing menial tasks like polishing boots. But my lizard-boy still hadn’t found a dependable source of food. Google told me that a lizard takes about a year to fully grow, so I decided to share my bathroom with him. I also discovered that lizards can survive for up to two months without food. I let the lizard be, often looking for it when I went to use the bathroom.
A few days back, I found it lying still on my bathroom floor. I poured a few drops of water, wanting some privacy for my shower. To my surprise, it wasn’t moving. I took out a broom and nudged it, but it lay still, like the T-Rex in Jurassic Park. I knew that the lizard was gone. With no parents or access to food, it was only a matter of time. When I go to my empty bathroom these days, I wonder if I could have fed the little guy something (apples, celery, and grapes, apparently).
Rest in peace, dear lizard. If reincarnation works for lizards, I hope you’re reborn as a software engineer. You can work from home, watch animal videos, and order food from your phone. Rest in peace, and all the best for your next life!