Jagan*, aged 25, lost his mother to Covid-19 in May 2021. He was her primary caregiver. After her death, he locked himself in his room for nearly two months and had trouble sleeping. He blamed himself for her death.
Sheela* is 48 years old. She lost her husband to Covid within 48 hours of him developing symptoms. She recalled the rush for hospital admission and oxygen support at the time. His death left her the head of the family. Five months after he passed, she said she was unable to eat or sleep well. “Couldn’t I have saved him?” she wept.
Jagan and Sheela are among the clients we worked with through the Tamil Nadu government’s grief helpline that offered mental health support to those who’d lost a family member or faced other difficulties due to the pandemic. The helpline was run by The Banyan Academy for Leadership in Mental Health (BALM) with National Health Mission (NHM) and the TN government from May 2021 to December 2021.
As many as 275 volunteers with a background in psychology/social work were trained in basic counselling, listening skills, risk assessment and ethics. The volunteers made six-eight calls a day to families, who had experienced loss, and supported individuals through their grief. The GoTN helpline indicated a significant demand for mental health services across all strata of society. Sneha (Chennai), iCall (Mumbai) and NIMHANS (Bengaluru) run similar tele-helplines. Further, the central government has allocated a budget to start a national tele-helpline for mental health services.
As Jagan spoke to our volunteer, he began to understand some things were beyond his control. The volunteer helped him process his grief with guided imagery. She also helped him reach out to his friends. These sessions encouraged him to seek regular human connections and support from his locality. From a state of shock and sadness, he came to accept reality and cherished memories of his mother. He was also sleeping better, and felt calmer.
Similarly, a volunteer facilitated Sheela’s expression of feelings. She shared about her current situation and the sudden role change that shook her up (as head of the family). Regular follow-up calls and being available appeared to add to her sense of being supported. She realised she needed time to cope and to practise self-compassion. She said talking to the volunteer gave her a ‘fresh perspective’ and made her feel freer.
Grieving the loss of a loved one is a natural process. A person often goes through various stages of grief, survivors’ guilt, and a loss of meaning in life. With support, one can accept the circumstances better and return to a level of stability. David Kessler, who worked with Kubler Ross on the five stages of grief, added a sixth stage: finding meaning in life. Forging growth, reconciliation with loss and moving ahead with support systems seemed to resonate in this direction and were encouraged by the helpline volunteers.
Effective listening, re-kindling of problem-solving methods, harnessing of self-care, utilisation of re-building resources from the community and activation of healthy coping were found to be helpful. A non-judgmental and friendly approach while speaking in their local language made individuals of all ages and backgrounds open up.
Due to the stigma of mental health and COVID-19, some may find it difficult to overtly grieve. Like Jagan, many men found it difficult to cry. However, we observed most of our male clients felt better after expressing their sorrow and talking about it. Sadly, the pandemic made sharing harder by restricting socialisation and human interaction.
Creativity and innovation were needed to address mental health issues during the pandemic while providing accessibility, availability and affordability. The helpline showed the power of listening in crisis situations. To quote Thich Nhat Hanh (a peace activist), “Deep listening is the kind of listening that can help relieve the suffering of another person.”
(*Names changed to protect identity)
**M Namrata Rao, Co-Lead, Centre for Trauma Studies and Innovation, BALM; Dr Lakshmi Sankaran, Deputy Director (Training), BALM & Co-Lead, CTSI & Dr A Lakshmi Ravikanth, Co-Dean, BALM
Footnote is a weekly column that discusses the world from Tamil Nadu’s perspective.