Children, a small child once asked Amma, “O Amma, is there good anger and bad anger?”
What determines if an emotion is good or bad are the underlying reasons behind it and the benefit that emotion has. For example, a mother’s show of anger for her child is meant for the child’s good. There will not be the slightest trace of enmity or hatred for her child in the mother’s heart. It is her love and affection for the child that is expressed as anger.
It is similar to how a cat holds her kitten by the scruff of its neck while carrying it to a safe place. The mother only wants a bright future for her child. When she gets angry with the child, he might feel upset. But later, he will understand that his mother’s anger had, in fact, saved him from a grave danger.
A good teacher’s scolding is like tutoring for a student. The teacher scolds only so that the student will study harder. Behind such anger, there is only love and affection. Here, the teacher wears anger like a mask, and the anger is another form of love. Hence, it will definitely help the student.
There is another kind of anger, one that is not aimed at anyone’s welfare but arises from the arrogance and selfishness of the person who gets angry. An example would be the anger arising from the jealousy that a student feels towards another who has scored higher marks than he. Such anger will harm both, and must be contained at the outset. If we cannot do that, we must move away from the situation that provoked anger.
It is natural for angry thoughts to arise in the mind. But we should not act under the influence of that emotion. Instead, we must distance ourselves from the situation that provoked our anger and reflect upon it. We must see to it that our anger does not translate into actions we will regret later.
How many family relationships and friendships have been broken by just one moment of anger! To a large extent, such problems can be avoided if both sides strive to restrain their anger and act with discernment.
Getting angry is like having a bad business where we end up losing everything. Actually in life, one should gain the Self (Atma), the ultimate “profit”. But when we get angry it is like making a loss at business.
Our life is not a bubble, we have to remember that we are the entire ocean. Pampering the bubble of the ego will lead us to death, yet we only pamper perishable things like the body while not taking care of the Atma. We should enquire, “Who am I?” and understand that we are not the bubble but the vast ocean.
Meditating and doing other spiritual practices daily will help us to gain control over the mind. Gradually, we will be able to notice the very first thought of anger arising and thus control it.
May each thought, word and deed of my children become meditative.