Nara Chandrababu Naidu, Telugu bidda, has bid for the BJP. The NDA, which needs to win 272 seats to make Narendra Modi prime minister, had been looking for the highest bidda in Andhra Pradesh, and is thrilled to have found him in Nervous Moon Clerical Naidu (Nara means nerves, and babu means clerk, okay?). After much oscillation, he has decided the BJP is not so communal.
Top BJP leaders from Delhi and Greater Noida were in Hyderabad on Sunday to praise the sagacious Naidu and embrace him into their fold. One Telugu Desam Party leader was asking, “Who is this Greater Noida and how is he greater than Chandrababu?” but such embarrassing questions have been snuffed out for the moment. Time to hug hug, wave wave, flaunt the No 2 sign (known in the West as the victory sign). Voters, that last gesture is for you.
While Nervous Naidu’s state was split over the separatist Telangana, he had kept severely mum.
He hopes to reap the benefits of his golden silence now. He believes he will win many seats in the Seemandhra region, which wants a united state. As of now, it’s Seem Andhra. Given a mandate, our man wants to give Seemandhra a bullet train. And every woman a mobile phone. Talk, talk.
Once only known as the ambitious son-in-law of the late Telugu icon N T Rama Rao, Nervous Naidu won world acclaim for using a laptop despite being an Indian politician. He also sported a beard that made him look strikingly secular, even when he supported the BJP government led by Vajpayee.
When he was chief minister between 1995 and 2004, he competed with Karnataka’s Slow Motion Krishna to win the hearts of the super-rich software industry.
His moment of glory came when Bill Gates went to Hyderabad and shook his hands, instead of coming to Bangalore and shaking Slow Motion’s hand. While Charming Chandrudu was participating in a dream sequence after the handshake, his voters gave him a Gates pass, and he has stayed in the opposition for 10 years.
How long will the TDP and the BJP stay together? Their families don’t like this love marriage, and could wreck it any moment. Will love triumph? Modi is in no doubt. Like Nike, his heart says: Just Naidu it!
(Your daily dose of satire)