Digvijay Singh, the former chief minister under whose able stewardship the Congress lost Madhya Pradesh spectacularly, has come up with 12 guidelines to help Siddaramaiah run the Karnataka government smoothly.
No need to snigger. Everyone can do with a bit of friendly advice, and who can deny our Diggy Raja knows a thing or two about how to win love and influence people? Many politicians in Karnataka are secretly longing to get non-political advice from him, but what to do, everything has a time and place.
At a meeting of the Congress co-ordination committee, Digvijayji spoke sage words: Don’t hurt anyone, speak softly, be transparent, address citizens’ problems.... But before his colleagues could accuse him of being a fuddy duddy, he quickly whipped two of Siddaramaiah’s closest friends in the cabinet.
All of which means if the Congress in Karnataka hits a dumki (dumki hodi is Kannada for ‘flunk’), Diggy Raja could push out some of Siddaramaiah’s men from the cabinet and sneak in a couple of his own.
With help from Energy Minister D K Shivakumar, whose hyper-energy has become a daily headache for Siddaramaiah. What’s that? Raja ko mantri se pyaar hogaya... Oh, please, stop it! You’ve got the words all wrong.
At the Karnataka Sanskrit University in Bangalore, a yuddham has broken out between the vice-chancellor and the registrar. This has created curiosity among Bangalore’s young citizens: “Oh wow, this is amazing!” they are saying in their regular New York accent. “Let’s freakin’ go hear how a fight sounds in Sanskrit!”
Now, since Sanskrit is God’s language, many educated Bangaloreans assume it can be used only for mantras, chants and suchlike. Some dudes have heard of Kalidasa: “Hey, isn’t that the fat dosa these locals eat?” Sorry, dude, that’s khali dosa, not Kalidasa.
Meanwhile, Registrar Shanthappanavar has accused Vice-Chancellor Mallepuram Venkatesh of not just harassing him, but also trying to hit him. By the way, what’s the declension of this ‘hit’ shabda? Hittaha, hittou, hittaaha? Oh, that’s enough. Asangata. Kim? (Hey sisya, ‘kim’ means ‘what’ in Sanskrit. Not Kardashian.)