How to get close to siblings, as we always quarrel? FightingAlways
Dear Readers,
I decided to base our conversation this week on this subject, as this awareness is needed both by the youth as well as parents equally. Even the parents-to-be would appreciate this.
I start off, on this note keeping my young readers in mind, as even before I go deeper into this subject... I want you all to appreciate how LUCKY you are to have someone to DEPEND ON, someone to take care of you (or to take care of) and finally irrespective of all the fights and misunderstandings, never to face SOLITUDE. You may not understand this now, but will in your adulthood when you're more mature.
Why does this happen?
The simplest explanation is to either CRAVE FOR ATTENTION or BE RESPECTED by parents and other family members. In our lives, we all struggle to create an identity, to be respected and to have a particular status in society. When we don't get an opportunity to do the same at HOME, which is our primary environment, this behaviour is triggered between children. The most common factor that leads to this is the DIFFERENCE IN TREATMENT BY THE PARENT(s). One interesting factor which many parents are unaware of is the fact that they have subconsciously MIMICKED the behaviour of their parents and their children shall too.
My advice for the youth
The first step is to understand that quarrelling or fighting with each other is nothing but a difference in opinion. You should remember that it was just the situation that was unfavorable and not the person The next step is to analyse why you end up fighting. If it is something that you and your Sibling can sort out, excellent! If not, ask your parents to intervene and request them for a permanent solution rather than a temporary relief. If you're the elder Sibling...be calm, remember that you're the more mature one, do not react but rather try to make your younger sibling understand by being more affectionate than trying to COMMAND them and throw your weight around.
If you're the younger sibling, try to compromise rather than throwing tantrums. You might have your way now and be pampered since you're the younger one... But keep in mind that you're losing an asset on the long run for a short term gain.
My final piece of advice, remember that no one else apart from your parents and siblings will stand by you in dire consequences. It has been proved time and again that BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER. Whatever you do in life if you have a WINGMAN or partner you're chances of attaining success is higher. Irrespective of what fights you have, always forget everything else and be THERE FOR EACH OTHER when in need. Not everyone is as lucky as you all, I'm not too!
My advice for the parents
Dear parents, let's understand one thing clearly. Irrespective of how many children you have and your personal desires, your children are ultimately YOUR OWN CREATION, THEY ARE YOUR BLOOD and ALWAYS WILL BE. Always remember to make them FEEL that they are treated equally, that you spend equal amounts of time with them, they feel loved equally... And they all feel equal. Period!
In my clinical experience, parents end up adding fuel to the burning fire in two common scenarios. First in which, the girl child is always given second priority when the other sibling is a boy and his needs are taken care of first or is given more importance to.
The second in which, the elder sibling is always expected to be more mature, understand and compromise when the other sibling who is younger tends to enjoy more importance, gets pampered more and gets a lot of attention.
My final word
I say, Be it your siblings, or your children... A LIFE IS A LIFE. Let's all focus on striving to become better HUMAN BEINGS FIRST. We'll automatically become better siblings and parents in the process.
With Regards,
Adarsh Benakappa Basavaraj
The Coach
I'm a middle class boy in my second year of Mechanical Engineering. I want to work for companies like BMW and change my status to high class. How do I do this? What do I do in my free time to change my status? Aiming higher
I understand your aim but I want you to be clear on what status and high class is. Just because a person is RICH and has a LAVISH lifestyle doesn't mean he belongs to the higher strata of the society. A person has to have both wealth and CLASS to be considered one. Simply put, high society can refer to a group of people who are either rich, influential, intelligent, have the same profession or are authoritative. Even scientists are considered high society. You can aim at becoming an expert in any field and still be a part of an elite group for knowledge. Another bitter truth of life is that, we cannot become millionaires overnight.
On the personal level, focus and work towards developing a good character and be principled in life. When I say principled, I mean to be ethical and morally strong. On the professional aspect, study well, become an expert in your field, be passionate about it and aim for doing something extraordinary. Develop a technology which companies like these might be interested in and they'll be more than happy to hire you.
During your FREE TIME I would suggest you to develop an interest an aspect which excites you, it might be different technologies of engines, gearboxes or any other frontier in which the automotive Industry is facing a challenge. Alternative fuel engines are the top priority to the whole world due to the rising pollution levels. Research and see if you can develop an innovation that will be cost effective and which can be easily implemented too. This is how you become an expert in your field. Once you develop this kind of passion, status and other factors will not bother you as you'll be too focused in becoming a pioneer in your field. I'm sure that all your dreams will definitely come true as all is in your hands.
My parents had put up ads in matrimonial sites for me. I met this guy there and we got talking. Both of us are in transferable Government jobs. But my mother is very apprehensive that I will have a failed marriage, have to quit my job because of the initial discussion about job postings. Both the guy and me are confident and like each other a lot. How do I convince my parents? Stuck in a rut
Congratulations on finding your PRINCE CHARMING. You are entering an important phase in your life. I say YOU because it is YOUR decision. You have to consider all factors and take a decision. Your parents' opinion too is important as they love you the most.
Understand your mother's apprehension. If she isn't open about it, you can have a discussion with your father and find out. Also discuss these issues with your future husband and figure out the best way to sort it out. Ensure that he is responsible and will not back out. Once you have this confidence, you and him will have to have an open discussion with your parents. If required take the help of a relative whom your mother will listen to.
If you both have made up your mind, be firm about it and tell your parents that you both are confident about your compatibility, which also plays a integral role in any marriage. You both will be equipped to handle challenges in life if you are supportive of each other. Use this point to convince them. But BE SURE and only then go ahead. Put across all your points in a calm and mature manner as throwing tantrums won't help.
I think I'm suffering from bipolar disorder. One moment I'm happy and the next moment I'm very sad. I don't know what to do. MoodyMe
I can only give you tips on how to MANAGE this, this isn't a diagnosis. I suggest that you meet a psychiatrist as you need to take medication.
Find out which bipolar disorder you're suffering from and how frequent are your mood swings. Once you know how often you tend to be in your HIGHS (ENERGETIC state) and LOWS (DEPRESSED state), chalk out a systematic strategy to be able to calm yourself and keep yourself GROUNDED when HIGH or be able to BOUNCE BACK when you're LOW.
Maintain a diary or note about how you feel when you're low and read it when you're high. Make it a habit to focus all that energy into being able to answer your own questions about what is making you feel low. This technique helps in two ways, it ensures you don't do something rash as you're immediately making yourself aware of how low you can get and two, whether you find solutions or not, you will have enough food for thought to keep you occupied in doing something constructive and enable you to focus on another activity and excel at it.
I recommend that you get yourself a pet. Pets have been proven to help balance mood swings. Another effective technique is to keep yourself fit with any kind of exercise, preferably aerobics or Zumba. The exercise helps you vent your frustration and release happy hormones. Even if you don't enjoy the workout, at least the music might help.
Even though I don't suggest this generally, your case is an exception. Identify one genre of games and music you love. Whenever you're low, distract yourself by playing that game and simultaneously listen to the music that you love. Also, identify one person whom you feel connected to or is genuine. Be clear about maintaining this confidentially and tell them what you're going through. If required, make them read about this. Let them help you do what makes you happy when you're low and ensure you don't do go overboard when you're happy.
How do I gain confidence at work to be able to talk with my boss and colleagues ? TalkThatTalk
ONLY YOU can create confidence within yourself. When you are CONFIDENT of yourself, you'll automatically be confident everywhere else. First, you need analyse the factors which are making you lose confidence or is making you hesitant to talk with people at your workplace. It can be seniority or any other factor. Also, observe the culture at your workplace and get accustomed to it.
Make an effort to break out of your comfort zone. It's OK if you're not 100% fluent, make an attempt to speak in the language that your colleagues speak in. You'll not only be able to connect, but the supportive ones will even help you become more fluent. Remember, every one is a human being first and only connect on that level. Their seniority, wealth, social status and all other factors come later. When you remove all these attributes and connect to an individual ONLY as an Individual, it becomes simpler.
Finally, understand the concept of a mirror, if you make others feel confident to talk to you, only then will you be able to talk to them. So ensure that you smile and wish people as and when you meet them. The more comfortable and bigger the smile you get from people around you, the easier it is to talk to them and have meaningful conversations.