‘Love me tinder’ do dating apps work?

Today, I thought I’d discuss about something that has caught on as a result of the digital era on one hand and the franctic attempt to find a soulmate on the other. Call me crazy, but somewhere I feel that some

Published: 20th February 2017 06:00 AM  |   Last Updated: 17th February 2017 09:58 PM   |  A+A-

Express News Service

Today, I thought I’d discuss about something that has caught on as a result of the digital era on one hand and the franctic attempt to find a soulmate on the other. Call me crazy, but somewhere I feel that some of these sites PREY on our INSECURITIES and have managed to create an opportunity to earn profits, while there are also some companies that are trying to offer a GENUINE SERVICE. But, being able to differentiate between the two has proven to be quite a challenging task nowadays.

Especially in India? 
Both our society and online dating haven’t quite matured to the required level to function effectively and definitely needs time.

One, we are still in an age wherein WOMEN’S SAFETY IS A MAJOR CONCERN. The women who actually make up their minds and gather the courage to TAKE A CHANCE end up either ISSAPOINTED or SCARRED. Why? Because of the SECOND main reason, the maturity of MEN has to improve by leaps and bounds.

Majority of the men automatically perceive that women who have registered on ONLINE SITES are AVAILABLE and only approach them with the intention of pursuing a SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP or have a casual FLING in mind. 

Another factor that I find necessary to mention at this point in our conversation is the wide gap of the MEN TO WOMEN RATIO, especially in our country. Due to this factor, the women are in great demand and get access to almost all the services on a majority of sites for FREE and aren’t accessible to men who are FREE MEMBERS.

This FORCES the DESPERATE MEN to register on PAID SITES and expect to GET LUCKY INSTANTLY! An IMPORTANT POINT TO BE REMEMBERED. The next ALARMING factor is the lack of security and fake profiles! I have personally heard of bad experiences of people — It’s not just MEN, I’ve heard of experiences wherein many profiles of WOMEN turn out to be disappointing too, as they turn out to be either ESCORTS or SEX WORKERS who are using these platforms for solicitation. 
The other factors... 

We never get to judge a person completely just by having a VIRTUAL INTERACTION WITH THEM. People, in a majority of cases never TURN OUT TO BE THE SAME IN REALITY... what they would have portrayed about themselves VIRTUALLY!

We slowly subconsciously develop a habit to become dependant on these platforms and in a matter of time get involved to a level where we will never even think of going back to the CONVENTIONAL METHOD of SOCIALISING. This, in later stages, leads to disappointment and lack of hope! Yes! Matrimonial sites tend to have a higher success rate.

But remember that the purpose is completely different. At the same time, I have heard numerous complaints from women expressing the fact that MEN are abusing this platform nowadays too, to pursue casual relationships or have one-night stands under the pretext of getting married and then dumping women. So, WOMEN...Beware, Be Warned! 

My final Word, 
We need to meet, interact, connect and BOND in order to develop a successful and meaningful relationship. If we REMOVE the INGREDIENT of actual SOCIAL INTERACTION and substitute it with PERCEIVED VIRTUAL INTERACTION... Well, we’re trying to learn SWIMMING in the absence of WATER! Don’t you think?
With Regards, 
Adarsh Benakappa Basavaraj
The Coach

Illustration: Amit Bandre

I’m obese. I find no motivation around me to lose weight. People make fun of my personality and I can’t bear it. What do I do to shed a few kilos? Body shamed

Let me share my own personal life with you. I was in the SAME EXACT phase of my life and here’s how I overcame it. The biggest mistake that we make is, expecting to become like HRITHIK ROSHAN overnight. But, do we ever realise how many years we have contributed to reach this present state of obesity?

The first step is to accept that we are in this situation and calmly chalk out what’s going to work for us. The next step is to take BABY steps, not GIANT leaps. Decide on an activity which you feel you might enjoy — be it swimming, going to the gym, Zumba or any other form of EXERCISE and then make it a habit to do it for short periods first.

Once you’re in a comfortable zone, you can automatically increase the intensity and duration based on your convenience. Never CALL yourself FAT/OBESE. When someone calls me that, I have my signature dialogue. I say “I’m not FAT, I’m WELL NOURISHED! People who think otherwise are MALNOURISHED and jealous of me.” Tell this to the ones who make fun of you.

How do I control my frustration and anger against others if I am physically not strong?Anger fit

Hey buddy, first of all it’s not necessary to get PHYSICAL just because you’re angry at someone. You need to understand that there are a variety of ways to handle disagreements and conflicts. But, in order to do that, you should first figure out why you’re angry and frustrated in the first place. For instance, is it because they tease you a lot? Is it because they aren’t giving you the respect you deserve? Is it because they bully you? Why? 

Once you figure this, have a mature discussion about how you feel and request them not to make you feel like this. If nothing works then ignorance is bliss. Make other friends and DELETE these people from your life. Never try to respond with violence and suffer the consequences later. 

Is it necessary to encourage the celebration of Valentines Day which is foreign to our Indian culture? Not welcome

A CELEBRATION itself means to CELEBRATE anything with an enjoyable activity that gives us pleasure or joy. So, if you feel that it isn’t APT to celebrate it, DON’T. But, we cannot impose it on everyone just because it has its roots in western culture.

I would comment on this if you can provide proof that everything that you’re using is an INDIAN PRODUCT. When we are using products from all over the world, why not EMBRACE what we like and REJECT what we don’t. Since we live in a democratic country which has almost 50% youth population and they have accepted it... who are we to stop them? There are more pressing issues like RAPES, MOLESTATION, DRUGS, SUICIDES and DEPRESSION that we ought to be worried about, don’t you think?

I proposed to a girl in Std X and she had accepted it. But now in Std XII, she doesn’t like me. What should I do? Heartbroken

We all have relationships based on infatuations and these infatuations change over time. We tend to get attracted to others too and lose interest in the ones we previously had an interest in. We keep repeating this process until we learn a lot about a REAL, MATURE RELATIONSHIP.

We understand what we need, we learn from failed relationships and also learn different ways to approach when we don’t manage to get someone to ACCEPT us.

In your case, she seems to have lost interest which might be because of anything. If you’re really serious, ask her what has changed her behaviour. If there’s a valid reason, work on it. If you feel it’s not a valid reason, then she’s lost interest and there’s absolutely NO POINT in trying to make this work, as it’s not MUTUAL. 

How do I react to my roomate? He is so irritating. Annoying roommate

Since you’re living together, the first thing you both need to do is sit down peacefully and establish rules for each other, which will ensure that both of you are happy and don’t feel threatened. Be it from cooking to laundry to everything.

I’m sure the reason why he’s irritating has to do with one of these aspects. If it’s not, then you need to have an open discussion with him and express what’s actually bothering you. Make him understand that this is how you’re feeling and are planning to leave if he’s not willing to change. If he is willing to listen to you and adapt... Great! If you feel he’s not giving you importance, then it’s time for you to find a new ROOM.

I’m 26. I love a policeman. My way of dressing is modern. But he likes women to be homely. Because of this we are fighting with each other. Sometimes, I think it’s just a dress. Now I’m thinking of breaking up this relationship because his words hurt me. What do I do? Trapped

One of the reasons he might be acting like that is because of his profession wherein he gets to see or hear about the advances and inappropriate behaviour towards women and since he loves you so much, he would want to keep you as safe as possible. You need to be clear and express it to him that these are the clothes that you feel comfortable in and be firm about it.

I say this as, you need to look at your needs too. But on the other hand, you need to make him understand why he’s feeling like this. In spite of you trying to reason with him, if he still imposes rules, then you need to understand whether it is only with respect to your dressing or is it becoming a pattern with everything.

If that’s the case, you might want to consider breaking up with him as it clearly indicates that you’ll not be having any freedom in the future. But if it is just about clothes and you’re ready to compromise, then you can give it a shot and see how long you can manage.

Stay up to date on all the latest Edex news with The New Indian Express App. Download now
(Get the news that matters from New Indian Express on WhatsApp. Click this link and hit 'Click to Subscribe'. Follow the instructions after that.)


Disclaimer : We respect your thoughts and views! But we need to be judicious while moderating your comments. All the comments will be moderated by the newindianexpress.com editorial. Abstain from posting comments that are obscene, defamatory or inflammatory, and do not indulge in personal attacks. Try to avoid outside hyperlinks inside the comment. Help us delete comments that do not follow these guidelines.

The views expressed in comments published on newindianexpress.com are those of the comment writers alone. They do not represent the views or opinions of newindianexpress.com or its staff, nor do they represent the views or opinions of The New Indian Express Group, or any entity of, or affiliated with, The New Indian Express Group. newindianexpress.com reserves the right to take any or all comments down at any time.

flipboard facebook twitter whatsapp