I am a teacher from Kerala — a widow with a daughter. After finishing her class XII, my child started studying BBA in TN. After the first semester exam, she did better than her peers, so they started isolating her. She is so depressed at being sidelined by her classmates that she is upset. Help!
Groupied
The first thing that you need to proud of is that your daughter is a achiever. We generally believe that there is NO SMOKE WITHOUT FIRE. There might be a possibility wherein she’s also having difficulty to connect with her peers, which we need to explore. This behaviour exhibited by her friends is a combination of both PEER EXCLUSION and SOCIAL ISOLATION (Mainly because of Jealousy, as she is a over achieving student) is definitely unacceptable and is also a subtle from of bullying. But we can only CHANGE ourselves and NOT THE WORLD right?
Here’s my suggestions. The MIRACLE TOOL will be AFFIRMATIONS. Constantly keep in touch with her, share your own life’s story with her. Be subtle about it and not too conspicuous. Establish a KEY SENTENCE like for eg. “Let’s be the ROCKING MOTHER DAUGHTER DUO and SHOW THE WORLD”. Once you establish this, you can use it every time like a MANTRA.
Next, let her spend more time with the people she’s accepted with. In her case, I’m sure that she’ll be a favourite with the lecturers. Let her spend as much time as possible with the lady lecturers, get to learn more, take initiatives in the various activities etc. This will make her beat the loneliness and also cope with the exclusion by her friends. Her friends might get more jealous, but that’s their fate.
I am very weak at decision making and lack confidence. How to improve?
Control less
Decision making is something that makes all of us wonder whether we have taken the right one or not.
But it’s OK. We all learn to take better decisions as we go through the journey of life. One of the reasons why you’re not able to decide is because you’re not taking practical decisions. Even if you feel that you’re decisions are practical, maybe you haven’t figured out all the factors. I say this because, we all mix up our NEEDS and WANTS.
Another aspect you need to keep in mind is that taking decisions and STICKING TO IT is a little like CHANGE MANAGEMENT. We have to be geared up to ACCEPT the change that we will have to endure because of our decisions.
Here’s my advice: Relax and make a list of the things that you NEED. The decision that you take shouldn’t be based on your feelings, but should be based on the facts. Once you have taken time, written, rewritten and have arrived at a conclusion about your decision...you need to break down your decision into small parts that are comfortable for you.
Why it is necessary to be a leader in today’s world?
Heil bossman
Being a leader depends on a lot of factors. But it isn’t a “NECESSITY” for everyone. Why I say this is because, there are many individuals who are very happy leading their lives without having any ambitions of being a LEADER. So, the first thing you need to understand is that WHY YOU WANT TO BECOME A LEADER.
If you’re on a EGOTISTICAL trip with a hidden agenda to become a leader, trust me, it won’t work.
Becoming a LEADER also brings GREAT RESPONSIBILITY. So you’ll learn to be more responsible and be an example to others. You’ll constantly be trying to be the best as you only want the best for the people who RELY ON YOU and BELIEVE IN YOU. Being a leader makes you more mature as you need to think on the behalf of many who follow you. You also need to be very strongly competent when it comes to your knowledge as it’s not easy to fool people. One of the most important reasons to become a leader is to INITIATE CHANGE & FIGHT FOR WHAT’S RIGHT!
How do we keep our minds from wandering?
Out of my head
THREE SIMPLE RULES for you. One, the majority of our distractions are our gadgets. Do whatever you want to do, check Facebook, finish chatting etc to your hearts content and switch off your Internet connection. Once you finish your portion, assign a time limit to again go back online as a reward. But stick to it.
Second, before sitting down to study or do anything else. Set an alarm for ten minutes and let your mind wande. As soon as the time is up, tell your mind that you’ll again do this in a bit after finishing a part of your work during your break.
Lastly, ensure that you keep an alarm for every 30 minutes. And whenever the alarm rings, make it a point to practice focus. If you’re not focused when the alarm rings, you’ll need to slowly ensure and set targets to stay focused for a particular time and slowly improve your focus.
Stressed before finals? do you need to chill or see a doc?
Exam! One of the only words that has the POWER to send a CHILL down anyone’s spine. Be it your parents or in some cases, even your grandparents. We’ve all been traumatised by this aspect of EXAMS one way or another. The ways in which we have managed to handle it is what has made many of us, either very strong or has also managed to break us. Since exams are coming up, we decided that this is the NEED OF THE HOUR and hence decided to make an effort to instill in you the STRENGTH that you require.
One very important point that I need to be clear about here is, even though this week’s conversation is to help you all understand why anxiety is caused and when you need to seek help, the first step is TO STUDY! I get a lot of queries asking me “I haven’t studied, what do I do?”. Whatever I do, I’ll never be able to help the ones who are PLAIN LAZY!
The FIRST STEP!
Exam Stress, technically ANXIETY, is a NORMAL part of our lives. We need to understand that it’s not just during exams that we face this. We face this type of ANXIETY in any situation wherein we need to prove ourselves or PASS A TEST. It might be as simple as a DRIVING LICENCE TEST all the way till your first INTERVIEW. Hence, I would want you all to remember that THE FIRST STEP to be able to handle this is TO ACCEPT THAT IT’S A NATURAL THING. Once you accept it, your mind doesn’t panic. You feel that it can be handled as you’re accepting that it’s a normal phase of life that everyone has endured.
Mental Anxiety
The first advice I always have is that to remember that OUR THOUGHTS ARE IN OUR CONTROL. The more negative thoughts that we feed ourselves, the more that we are likely to mess up. Hence, always FEED YOURSELF WITH POSITIVE STATEMENTS (Affirmations).
My second advice is to be logical. When we get anxious, we almost always think of the worst that can happen and rather than calming ourselves down to think of a solution, we get even more tense. So, always remember to be logical. Stop thinking of stuff like “I’ll die if I don’t pass this exam or I’ll be thrown out of the house if I don’t study well etc.” These rarely happen. We think it’ll happen just to pressurise ourselves to perform, which in this case will not work.
Replace thoughts which are either illogical or those which make you TENSE with POSITIVE LOGICAL THOUGHTS. Rather than saying “I’ll fail tomorrow, I’ll forget everything” try telling yourself “I’ll do my best tomorrow, I’ll remember and write what I can”. This SIMPLE TRICK works WONDERS. Trust me.
Physical Anxiety
Even though anxiety has mostly to do with our thinking and is a mental concept. It has its manifestations which affect our physical health when we don’t manage it mentally. We all have habits that we develop subconsciously. In the same way, sometimes there is a possibility that, we may already be suffering from an anxiety related issue. Normally, we tend to have a higher heart rate, rapid breathing and temporary sweating only for some time. But for some reason if you’re not able to deal with your anxiety at the mental level itself... It leads to challenges in your body (physiology).
Hence, here are some INDICATORS that you need to seek professional help:
■ Constant Sweating (even when you’re calm)
■ Recurring Headaches (without reason)
■ Panic Attacks
■ Difficulties in breathing (either short breathed or feeling suffocated)
■ Sudden issues with your stomach & digestive system. (Frequently going to the toilet, abdominal pain, feeling bloated or gassy, etc.)
■ Dry mouth & feeling the urge to swallow your saliva repeatedly
■ Extreme Body temperatures. either feeling too hot & feverish, or too cold & chilly.
If you feel that you have two or more indicators mentioned above and don’t have an valid explanation, it’s important that you meet a mental healthcare professional.
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