Increasingly, we see articles and books that talk about women and their careers — how gender roles limit their options and how difficult it is for an ambitious woman to rise in her profession without making compromises on the personal front. But what about men?
Men are traditionally seen as the providers while women are seen as the carers. This means that as a society, we expect men to be naturally ambitious and to perform as the primary breadwinner. Boys are brought up to take on leadership and protector roles.
They are encouraged to be career-oriented and outgoing. All this might seem advantageous at face value but what about men who don’t want such roles? What about boys who want to take up a profession that isn’t high paying but gives them satisfaction? What about fathers who want to stay at home and take care of their children while their wives go out and work? What about males who want to take up ‘female’ jobs like nursing or babysitting? How acceptable do they appear to the world around them?
We are all aware of son-preference in Indian society and how it has led to female foeticide and infanticide. But just as son-preference affects the girl child adversely, it also has a negative impact on the boy child. One of the reasons why girl children are unwanted is because people believe they will get married and leave whereas boys will be around to take care of their parents in their old age.
Simply put, boys are often considered to be a form of insurance for their parents. This is one of the primary reasons parents feed and educate a boy child even if it means compromising on their daughter’s needs. The boy often bears the responsibility of ‘marrying off’ his sisters, even if it means he has to take financial risks or choose a career path that he does not really like. He is responsible for the safety of the women in his family — it’s not uncommon to see a young boy accompanying his older sister or mother to the bus stop late in the day. Even though the boy may not be old or strong enough to fight someone if the need arises, his gender identity is sufficient to provide a façade of safety to the women.
We hear about gender-based violence all the time in the media. The victims in most of these stories are women. But if we take the statistics for deaths in violence per se, as in the case of homicide or war, the majority of deaths are male. We don’t see these as instances of gender-based violence because the main reason why these men died is not because they were men. But the fact is, as a society, we encourage men into aggressive and violent behaviour. We cheer the hero as he shoots his way through the evil-doers, shedding blood all around him.
Men who shy away from a good fight or lose one are seen as ‘sissies’. Recently, during the protests in Delhi that happened because of the brutal gangrape and murder of a young woman, some of the protesters handed out bangles to the police for not being ‘man’ enough to fight rape. While one has to applaud the spirit behind these protests, it is ironic that in fighting gender-based violence, some people chose to fall back on gender stereotypes to get their message across.
Gender-based issues are not women’s issues. They are issues that affect all of us. It is time we discussed them in our homes, in our schools, and in our workplaces with an open mind.