Most of the women today are financially independent but we have to ask ourselves are we really emotionally independent? Ever since I can remember I’ve done things the way I’ve wanted to and did not even trouble my parents to get it done.
However, eventually there came a time when I realised that I had become emotionally dependent without my knowledge.
It took me a few bad relationships to realise that. But what I learnt and gained from it is that one has to find her inner happiness and not try to extract happiness out of any relationship. It doesn’t matter if it’s your boy friend, girl friend, parents or friends. Once you are happy in your own company only then will you be drawn to great relationships.
It got pretty tough as a young woman at that confusing age trying to figure out life, chasing my dreams and wanting to make it big and still be myself without letting my true self get affected specially in a glamorous industry.
I started hosting events and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I always knew I was not cut out for a 9 to 5 job. Since my school days, I loved the stage and would spent most of my time playing basket ball and kho kho, captained all the sports I played. I loved games of all sorts.
I enjoyed travelling and staying at exotic places, bumping into people from different walks of life, the glamour and the glitz, the camera and the spot lights. On the other hand, I felt like I was thrown into the deep waters of an ocean without a life jacket not knowing how to swim! I learnt all that glitters is definitely not gold and the same holds good for any glamour industry. I had to come face to face with the other side of this glittery coin which was pretty ugly! Lets not forget all said and done it still is a male dominated society that we are living in. There have been times when some men have tried to take advantage of me when offering shows. Moreover, a few cat fights had to be dealt with that were thrown my way! Also, your competitors always bad mouth you just to have your market share fallen down or out of jealousy.
Being a girl of values and with the spiritual back ground I never gave priority to money and knew that things will get better when you just let them be when it’s not under anyone’s control. There have been times when I just wanted to run away and not handle any of it any more.
Some bad relationships would add on to the trauma! This is when I hit a wall and I soon decided to take shelter in the ashram. That’s when I learnt from my guruji and derived strength from her and learnt how to face the challenges by accepting things the way they are rather than trying too hard to make them look the way I wanted them to! I always remember my guruji’s words which goes ‘When you hit the lowest of the low make sure you bounce back that much higher’ and gladly I always did.
Today, after all the hardships and walking the path shown by Gurumatha Amma and by her grace I can happily declare my self emotionally independent and can definitely say that I’ve found my inner happiness. I am not any more looking for that sense of fullness outside or in any buddy else cause I feel complete now.
Akshaya Amar Singh is a freelance MC based out of Bangalore. She is also involved in the spiritual activities of Sridhara Shri Gudda and Jeevana Dharma Yoga Trust.