Anger is a common emotion. It’s natural and can occur in our daily lives. We see it on the roads (road rage where motorists yell, abuse or honk impatiently), at home or in class (with quarrels or punches). This column is about how we can recognise when we get angry and how the anger can be expressed in an acceptable, respectful and non-violent manner. After all, managing anger is an important part of self-care.
HOW CAN WE
RECOGNISE ANGER?
Using foul language while talking (verbal abuse), frequently being critical (finding fault easily), hitting or shoving someone (physical abuse), kicking or breaking things and refusing to cooperate. Silence too is a powerful form of anger.
Feeling hot and sweaty and breathing heavily. Sometimes, our heart beats fast.
Cutting ourselves (wrists, etc) is a form of anger directed towards ourselves. When we direct anger towards others we end up jeopardising relationships. Those we target begin avoiding us. Similarly, when we are angry with ourselves, what is left is misery and sadness.
It’s not possible to be without anger and as students, there are many reasons that can cause anger. Many of us feel awful about getting angry and feel guilty afterwards. Behind anger can lie mistrust, hurt, frustration, anxiety and so on and this can build up like a pressure cooker gradually filling up with steam. Then one day, it blows up! Like there are safety valves in cookers to release steam when things get too hot, we can practise some ways to deal with anger too.
DEALING WITH ANGER:
Make notes: It’s good to jot down instances when we get angry. Use a diary for this and read it repeatedly to find a way out.
Walk away: Postpone dealing with a particular issue when you are seething with anger. Give time to heal raging emotions until you’re in a calmer frame of mind.
Breathe: Inhale deeply, exhale completely. Inhale slowly to the count of two, exhale to the count of four (double your exhalations). Focus on breathing and mentally count till your breathing is steady.
Talk about the issue: State what situation makes you angry rather than talking about the person. For example, instead of saying “I do not like X, Y or Z breaking queues,” you could say, “I don’t like queues being broken at the canteen.”
Words: Avoid using ‘never’ and ‘always’. Take responsibility for your emotions. Saying “I feel hurt” instead of “you hurt me” can help you discuss and resolve a problem.
Assertion or aggression: We can choose to respect others’ rights when we express anger.