Socrates (a philosopher of ancient Greece) was visited by an acquaintance. Eager to share some gossip, the man asked if Socrates would like to know the story he’d just heard about a friend of theirs.
Socrates replied that before the man spoke, he needed to pass the ‘triple-filter’ test.
“Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to say is true?” The man shook his head. “No, I actually just heard about it from another friend of ours, so I do not know if it is true.”
Socrates then said, “You don’t know for certain that it is true. Is what you want to say something good or kind?” Again the man shook his head. “No! Actually, just the opposite. You see… ”
Socrates lifted his hand to stop the man speaking. “So you are not certain that what you want to say is true, and it isn’t good or kind. One filter still remains, though, so you may yet still tell me. Is this information useful or necessary to me?” A little defeated, the man replied, “No, not really.”
“Well, then,” Socrates said, turning on his heel. “If what you want to say is neither true, nor good or kind, nor useful or necessary, please don’t say anything at all.”
Dear friends, this short story has a wealth of wisdom in it. We all want to talk, but we need to pause for a moment and think: Is what we are going to say relevant or a waste of time? Is it factual or hearsay? Is it constructive or destructive criticism? Is it a solution or the cause of another problem? If we recollect the last few conversations we have had and very frankly analyse them we will realise a lot of the talk has been wasteful and we have frittered our time and energy in criticism, gossip or discussion that have no positive outcome.
I want you to understand that this story is not just about gossiping or passing on irrelevant information. This is about how we create negativity by our thoughts, words and actions. If all of us pledge to think positive, to be true and act kindly, would not this world be a paradise?
Before you answer a question or voice an opinion, ask yourself these questions. If it passes these filters, speak up. If not, either find a tactful way to avoid the answer or keep your thoughts to yourself.
I know it is not easy to stop every time and think before we express ourselves. It would hamper our spontaneity and flow. We can, however, make a start by using these filters at important moments — when our opinion can make or mar someone’s reputation, when our words can soothe or ignite anger, when what we say or do can influence another’s life negatively. Our minds cannot even imagine the influence and impact our words have. Even today, after five decades, the kind words of my science teacher and the harsh words of my Hindi teacher ring in my ears.
We have to also keep in mind that if it is necessary to tell someone some hard facts or bitter truths, we should do so privately. ‘Praise in public, criticise in private’. The harshest criticism can be taken if the intention behind it is genuinely good and if it is a one-to-one session. So dear readers, take time to think before you hurt someone, or convey information that has no relevance.
At important moments let us make it a habit to stop and think before we speak, for there are four things that we cannot recover: A stone after the throw! A word after it’s said! An occasion after the loss! Time after it’s gone!
Readers, if you have questions related to your life or life skills send a mail to Indira Aiyer and she will certainly have a response for you.