Dating can be tricky. Often, people use a certain language or ‘codes’ to communicate what they want and feel. It is easy to misread signs and end up disappointed or in some cases, overwhelmed.
Fans of the popular sitcom F.R.I.E.N.D.S would recall the scene in which Joey Tribbiani misunderstands Monica Geller asking him to come in for some lemonade as an invitation for sex.
City Express speaks to people who have experienced similar situations while on dating apps and websites.
Sumitra, a literature student, was puzzled when someone on Tinder asked her if she was ‘DTF’. “I googled it and found out that it was short for ‘down to f***’. It was my first day on the app and I was mortified!”
A similar abbreviation, DTMO apparently stands for ‘down to make out’. “I would have liked some conversation first, to find out what the other person was like and then see where it went. I was later told that such behaviour was common among Tinder users.”
Tinder is considered an app for casual, short-term relationships or ‘hook-ups’. And the way a person asks you out can say a lot about what they are looking for.
For instance, an invitation for coffee usually means the person is interested in having a conversation and getting to know you. “However, when a guy asks you out for drinks, it means he’s hoping it would lead to something else,” says Mallika, a chartered accountant.
Asked if men had such codes, content manager Abhishek laughs. “I thought women are the ones who speak in codes.”
The chances of a woman finding a match on the app are greater, he says. “In my experience, men are pretty straightforward. Problems occur as there is no room for non-verbal communication — tone, facial expressions, gestures — on the smartphone app,” he explains.
Karuna, another Tinder user, steers clear of guys who don’t have a description on their profile.
“Most people specify what they want — just hook-ups or friendship or a relationship — on their bio. If someone has not bothered typing that out, they’re either arrogant or lazy,” she says.
While some users look for more than a fling, it’s important to be vocal about what one is looking for. A conversation about the nature of the relationship might save you some heartache.
“My friend was heartbroken when she found out the guy she was seeing was also seeing someone else,” says Chirag, a management consultant.
“So I told her that unless you had decided to date exclusively, it was just a hook-up, even if you have been on a few dates.”