BENGALURU: As a film-critic, Fridays usually involve rushing to a movie hall, watching a movie that is mostly insipid, rushing home quickly, and reviewing it for strangers on the Internet. I have spent a few years as a film critic, but never experienced the mad rush for the latest Avengers movie that released! The movie envisages a world where the chief villain - Thanos - kills half the people in this universe as he feels they are an irresponsible, ungrateful lot. In the movie, it is a traumatic incident that left many an audience member teary-eyed. I, on the other hand, found Thanos to be a pleasant, level-headed fellow who likes gardening and taking care of the universe.
The incident is played out as a tragedy in the movies, but I was coming strictly from an Indian point of view. Our numbers are too large for the land and resources available to us. Thanos’ act would be a boon for us Indians. As audience members around me were wiping away tears looking at the empty stadia and buildings, I was fantasising about a utopia.
Imagine walking on the road with nobody to meet for miles at stretch. Imagine taking public transport and not being offered a wide plethora of smells and flavours from across the country. Of course, there will be the initial shock of losing half the people we know in our lives. But like Lord Krishna says in the Bhagwad Gita, life and death is but a chapter in the journey of the soul. So once we get over the initial shock of losing the people we know, one would find it to be an ideal world. We can then align ourselves with Thanos’ grand vision.
With lesser resources, there wouldn’t be a scarcity of resources. There will be lesser wastage, and no emphasis on ‘saving the planet’. We could eat a packet of chips and let the wrapper blow in the wind to find its own destiny. Half the population also includes animals and birds. While it might seem sad on the surface, remember that Thanos has thought this through.
There won’t be lesser species of animals and birds - just half the number. It would be such a joy to return home at night without the squad of stray dogs barking at me. There would be lesser cows modeling for their own photoshoots in the middle of the road. Lesser rats, lesser mosquitoes, - is it just me or is nobody seeing how great Thanos’ plan is?
The population reducing to half would also make it a fairer, more just society. Cricket teams would have six people in a team, and everybody gets to bat and bowl. Which would be great for people like me, who usually spend their time picking their nose at Silly Point. If you were among half the population who got to watch the movie, please think about the movie from my point of view. If you haven’t watched the film yet, I hope you get to see my point.
Like the greatest villains in history, Thanos is a misunderstood man. His plan would work wonders for our country. I propose that our honourable PM contacts Rakesh Roshan to contact Jaadu to get in touch with Thanos. I am confident our PM can achieve it with the snap of a finger! (The author is a writer and a stand-up comedian)