BENGALURU : After gentle persuasion, I capitulated to an invite from Aslam Gafoor, GM of Dineout, and Vinesh Gupta, GM of the popular boutique hotel, The Den in Whitefield. Both of them were extremely respectful of the fact that though I am stepping out, my forays into large gatherings are all but nil. I had already politely declined, but was tempted by the fact that most of the genteel and ‘true-blue’ Bangaloreans would be there.
In truth I hadn’t met them for ages and catching up with a bunch that sang, played jazz and were adept at lifting one’s drooping spirits was tempting. The guest list was minimal and the hoi-polloi was firmly kept at bay. I sang along and ultimately pulled up a bemused Israeli Consul Jonathan Zadka for a lively rendition of the joyous Hebrew folk song Hava Nagila. I could see he was pleasantly surprised that not only did we know the song but we could do the accompanying ditty as well! We auld Bangaloreans are well-versed, well-travelled and well-aware of a myriad of things...never underestimate us.
I was in one of my ‘I’m in a worm-hole with no ray of light’ type of moods and only on the advice of my friend did I venture out. Sometimes I am almost immobilised with a sense of detachment that suddenly sweeps over me and I suddenly switch off like a light bulb! Almost always I feel tired, detached and listless… I zone out and this has been happening on a regular basis. I try to pass it off as a post-Covid affliction of exhaustion. I can explain the physical fatigue but I know that there is a deeper mental anguish, pain, or sheer indifference I cannot brush off. I was reading about the struggle with depression.
One can have what other people perceive as everything in the world…yet sometimes the mind plays tricks and you feel empty. Happiness is a choice. My intelligent brain tells me that and I firmly believe that making a powerful affirmation every day is a must. Mine is: ‘Today is a day I have woken up to. I choose happiness over all other feelings’.
My dear friends from Mumbai were visiting. Everyone says one must get used to the new way to do things, the new normal (pure drivel someone with a low IQ thought that up). But in my mind’s eye…nothing makes me feel more connected than a bear hug, the undiluted joy of sitting close to each other laughing and exchanging secrets or the love one puts into serving and cooking a home-cooked meal…it was six degrees of separation (really ironical), and masks that don’t allow us to be comprehensible, breathe properly and are mandatory (except for photos, just to pretend it’s all okay).
Even though my mind and body tell me to curl up and never step out of my bedroom, my affirmations kick me in my derriere. I sense the affection, the respect and love that I am fortunate to be showered with, and I promise myself I will add another empowering affirmation to my already long list. I feel ungrateful and wormlike to have this in my life and still be so switched off. ‘All problems are illusions of the mind,’ how true is that phrase…how true and how beautiful, because ‘the choice of happiness’ is so definitely outlined!
I told you guys I have a truckload of affirmations. Picking out a suitable one, I landed up at a very exclusive exhibition curated by my friend Sarayu Hegde. Brands like Tory Burch, Bottega Veneta and Tiffany’s adorned the shoulders and wrists of many women who were buying the merchandise like it was going out of style…that sight surely perked up my addled mind. “The mind is its own place, and in itself, can make a heaven of Hell, a hell of Heaven.”
Rubi Chakravarti
Writer, actor and funny girl