BENGALURU: Many a times, during social gatherings such as weddings, baby showers etc, I have overheard women talking rather openly. Once I listened to a mother proudly declaring how her son does not ‘permit’ his newlywed wife to work, although she keeps expressing her wish to do so. Another time, it was about how a woman’s brother ‘subdues’ his wife whenever she objected to his excessive drinking.
A recent news report about a journalist from a reputed news organisation found dead in her home, unable to bear domestic violence, came as a shocker to Bengalureans. Many of my friends said she could have easily sought help as she had easy access to it. Having heard numerous women who have been subjected to abuse by their spouses/relatives, I have learnt one thing — one may preach courage from the gallery but it is a sinister, menacing situation for the victim who is under constant threat from someone she is supposed to trust, under the auspices of her own home. It may be a little girl, a teenager, a young woman or a wife — it takes a lot of strength to realise that what you are facing is completely wrong.
Such toxic situations of domestic abuse always involve control issues. I would often see a classmate of mine with awful-looking marks on her hands and legs after our marks cards were sent home. She never spoke of it. A senior friend of mine told me she used to be hit by her father even when she was doing her master’s degree. In case of marital abuse, these traits come to the fore in the first few years of the marriage itself. Strangely, this is one crime that is evenly spread across all classes. Almost all of the house helps that I have had told me dreadful stories of their husbands beating them, while I have been dumbfounded by the number of highly educated men who torture their wives.
I recall there was a campaign on TV called ‘BellBajao’ (ring the doorbell) a few years ago that encouraged neighbours to interfere whenever they heard abuse happening in a household nearby. Under these circumstances, even calling the helpline takes a lot of courage for the victim who has been battered physically and mentally by her own kin. Also, there is the danger of your own family members trying to normalise the whole situation — by playing peacemakers, choosing to ignore it, downplay it, or even worse, joking about it.
I think teaching children about respecting the other gender, personal space and choices should be an
important part of our academic curricula. We need to ask ourselves if we have created an organic support system for victims of domestic abuse to survive, or why the victims prefer to keep it under wraps. If it is someone we know, let us encourage them to speak about it. Make them realise they have a choice to stop it. They may just not know it yet.
Tina Shashikanth
Chief Sub Editor
ruchita@newindianexpress.com