IPL is passé, and Lok Sabha elections no longer carry the same thrill. A new battle is brewing in India, and is ready to take the nation by storm. Novo Nordisk – the makers of Ozempic (you must have seen this word in the comments section of your favourite Bollywood celebrity) – are making a rushed entry into India. Global competitors like Mounjaro (not to be confused with a Calcutta-based cake company) are drawing up their plans too, as Indian pharma companies are waiting to get into the game as soon as they befriend the right politicians to get access and permissions. While our economy might not be growing at the promised rate, our obesity growth rates are on par with the best in the world. We are definitely growing – but sideways!
The introduction of weight-loss drugs might usher in a new era of Indian consumerism, but weight loss is a tricky subject in India. For starters, being skinny is looked down upon in India. When a teenager is overweight, relatives lovingly call them healthy. With the very definition of ‘healthy’ being skewed, a little bit of a paunch is looked at as a sign of prosperity and well-being. I have had relatives tell me that skipping rice makes them feel dizzy, even though the amount of ghee added to the meal could run a
Maruti 800 across the Silk Board traffic. Weight-loss drugs come with side-effects – but when the AQI in some of our cities is equivalent to smoking 20 cigarettes a day – side effects are just character development!
Bollywood will be the first to jump on the bandwagon – with your favourite celebrity selling you the latest version. Advertising professionals will write catchy jingles, such as ‘Zero effort se paao size zero, goli khao, ban jaao hero’. With half the industry already clearly on Ozempic, actors with a little weight will soon win the Critics’ Choice Award for being ‘gutsy method actors’, and displaying ‘stunning realism’. Kofi wid Karn (the slimmer version) will feature actors who will look like 2D illustrations. While chocolate ads might dwindle, gutka companies will still prosper, promising an addiction that doesn’t add weight! Javed Akhtar will write lyrics like ‘Har ghadi badal rahi hai weight zindagi’. Some politicians will claim that Indian rishis had already invented weight-loss solutions, and cite the Great Indian Famine as an example of extreme weight loss in Indian history. Policemen might benefit from the weight-loss drugs, but getting access to them might mean offering the policemen a box of laddus – thus creating an eternal, vicious cycle.
E-commerce apps will join the bandwagon too. Campaigns will promise features like “Get a pizza delivered in 10 minutes. Get it flushed in 20 minutes.” You could order food, and get weight-loss pills delivered free on World Cake Day, or a ‘Belly Blast Fat Burner Diwali Offer’ during festivals. Beyond the economy, Indian homes will also see a drastic change. Parents will now compare the weight loss of their children. “You only lost 9 kilos? Look at Ramesh – he lost 12 kilos without going to tuitions also!” Gym trainers will offer weekly injections administered by the trainers themselves. Overweight kids will no longer be bullied, as every school bag will contain a blue pen, a red pen, and an Ozempic pen. Sweet shops will offer a family pack of ghee sweets along with colourful Ozempic pens for everybody in the family. The future is coming, and it promises six-pack abs for everybody. Health might be wealth, but there’s no harm in a little stealth!
(The writer’s views are personal)