CHENNAI: Father’s Day can be special for both the child and the parent. But what happens when you have had to face backlash from your families because of your gender identity/ sexual orientation? Would you want the same for your child?
Durga was born male and was all of seven years when she discovered her gender identity. She knew she wanted to be a woman; she dressed, walked and talked like a woman, only to be beat up by her own father. “How can you dress up like this?”
my father would ask me. But that's who I really was,” she says. She kept her identity hidden growing up for the fear of being physically abused.
Later, she was forced to get married and soon her wife gave birth to a baby girl who turned three this year. Although everything seemed to be going well, Durga couldn’t hold on any longer and decided to reveal her real identity to her family, and the response was not very warm. “I was beaten up badly, but this time, I left home and started living with the transgender community. My dad hasn’t spoken to me since that day. My daughter lives with my parents and when I have to go visit her, I have to dress up like a man,”
she laments.
Similar is the story of Radhika, who was forced into wedlock by her parents. “After the wedding, my wife delivered a baby, but soon enough my family got to know about my gender identity and hurled abuses at me before throwing out of the house,” says Radhika.
She hasn’t seen her baby even once. “I want to see my child, hold him and be there for him. But I cannot even go anywhere near my native place, due to the fear of being subjected to violence again,” she adds.
Govindamma is an MSM (Men who have Sex with Men) and discovered his sexual orientation at the age of seven, but was forced to remain silent. With a lot of pressure from his family, he was forced to get married and the couple had a baby girl, who is six now.
His wife noticed his mannerisms and started questioning his identity. “She would often ask me why I was walking and talking like a woman. We got into a tiff when I revealed my sexual preference to her, and she told my family about it. On hearing this, my dad, along with other men in my family, came and beat me up,” he recalls.
Govindamma left home after this incident and now lives by himself. “My wife left our child with my parents and got married again. I get to visit my daughter once in a while, without my father’s knowledge. I just wish the best for her and don’t want her to be treated the way I was,” he says.
Although there are people who have come out and chosen to lead their lives according to their sexual preference, there are others who hide it due to the fear of losing and hurting their loved ones like Dilli Bhai, a priest at a temple who is married with two children. “I am scared that if my kids get to know about my sexual orientation, they will move away from me. I want to be with them and see them grow happily. It means I have to sacrifice my identity, but I can’t bear to see my children get hurt,” he adds.