CHENNAI: Things are never quite as scary when you’ve got a best friend,’ said American cartoonist Bill Watterson. He was probably scripting the story of Ruby Thomas and Lalitha Alexander and their friendship that bloomed in the time of crisis. Ruby lost her husband Major PA Thomas in the 1965 India-Pakistan war. Lalitha lost her husband Lieutenant Colonel AO Alexander in the 1971 India-Pakistan war. With a meagre pension, children to take care of and grappling with loss — it was a hardscrabble life.
Together we stand
On the 71st Republic Day celebrations on Sunday, Ruby and Lalitha were felicitated under the title Veer Naris at Sri Ganapati Sachchidananda Ashram in Velachery. Dressed in silk saris and simple jewellery, sporting close-cropped hair and a warm demeanour — both the ladies cut a fine figure. Ahead of the function, the duo shared their journey with CE on the emotional ups and downs, holding each other’s back constantly, and being financially independent.
“We had only 10 years of married life. Unlike Lalitha, I never got to visit my husband during his service. He left me with three daughters when I was only 30. He had been placed on the Kashmir border. The body wasn’t even sent back. My brother took me to the place where he was buried but my children did not get to see even that,” says Ruby, who got a demonstrator job at Queen Mary’s College after her husband’s death.
Ruby met Lalitha in 1971 when the latter lost her husband too. Under the Rajiv Gandhi Gramin LPG Vitran Yojna, war widows and dependents of those who die in the war were given a licence to start an LPG agency to support their families. “It was a challenging and risky business since everybody was apprehensive about getting a cylinder connection, fearing leakage, back then. Two ladies were not allowed to partner the business but we did. We knew nothing about entrepreneurship and had to learn everything the tough way. With support from family members, we were able to earn a livelihood,” shares Lalitha, who has two children.
Fight for rights
It’s been around 30 years. The duo has retired. They stay in the same building on different floors in Ethiraj Salai. It’s been a ritual for Lalitha to attend the flag hoisting ceremony at War Widows Welfare Association in Raja Annamalai Puram, where she’s the vice president. “I’ve been associated with them for many decades now. We have a few elderly inmates staying there.
The key problem is that many of these women end up here since they do not know to handle the money they receive after their husband’s death. They are exploited by families and abandoned. Our pension was peanuts, 30 years ago. If not for the gas agency, we wouldn’t have been able to raise our children, educate and get them married with the few hundreds,” narrates the 84-year-old who retired from the job in 2015.
Lalitha vividly remembers the economic hardships she went through and she does not want the same for other widows. She had to frequently visit the Department of Ex-servicemen Welfare to stay updated with the schemes and monetary benefits. “The pension amount gradually increased to a few thousands after 2000. Ruby got to know through our common friend about Ex-servicemen Contributory Health Scheme. We also got to know from our friends about the revised pension schemes. After multiple efforts, we managed to get the raise as granted by the government and arrears after 1985. We need to be aware and educated otherwise there are several people to squander your hard-earned money,” she points out.
Bonded forever
From being business colleagues to best friends, the duo complements each other in all aspects. Ruby is reserved, timid and religious. Lalitha is bold and vocal. The ladies have completed their undergraduate courses — Ruby from Women’s Christian College and Lalitha from a college in Bengaluru.
“Both of us were born in Kerala and raised in Chennai. Ruby is more fluent in Tamil. I go for morning walks and stay away from prayer meets. She lives within four walls. I believe in fighting for what rightfully belongs to us but Thomas gets nervous while dealing with government officials,” Lalitha opens up.
Their friendship has stood
the test of time. “We’re distantly related and got to know about it only recently. Our friendship sustained because we never interfered in each other’s lives. We empathise with each other since both of us suffered a similar fate. We are honoured to receive this felicitation on the same stage. Certain bonds stay until death,” Ruby reminds us.