Small, wrinkled, mehendi-stained hands grip the handle of a saucepan as tea leaves brew. Steam rises, carrying the aroma of cardamom and ginger through the air, just the way my grandfather likes it. Pouring the kadak (strong) adrak-elaichi chai into his ‘World’s Best Grandfather’ cup, my grandmother (ammi) wakes my grandfather (dadu) every morning, as she has for the past 64 years. This is my ammi, Pista’s definition of love.
For her, such mundane acts — cooking and serving food, ironing clothes, wearing a pink sari or just sitting beside my dadu while watching television — define love. But for my dadu, Bhawarlal P, love has taken on different meanings. “Ours was an arranged marriage,” he recalls. “It took us time to understand and adjust to each other’s likings — especially your grandma to my anger. Over time, I learned what truly makes her happy — steel dabbas,” he quips.
He is soon to correct his answer as ammi gives a friendly glare. “For me, love was in the small things — the flowers and bangles I bought her when we were newlywed, how she took my surname, or how she welcomed my friends with a home-cooked meal, even on short notice. Love was in her waiting by the gate when I returned from work. And today, as I sit retired with no income, it’s in her silent companionship. Love has evolved at every stage of our life,” he recalls. With a shy smile, he adds, “We never needed to say the three golden words. Love was in our Friday movie nights, our Sunday beach walks, our Vespa rides through town, and now, in hospital visits, walking side by side.”
Growing up with a love like this around me, I wonder how the definition of this magical feeling has been reshaped over the years. Yet, even the newer generations yearn for the old-school love. Like my grandparents, many couples in Chennai have their definitions of love shaped by time, experiences, and everyday moments that strengthen their bond.
Partners for a lifetime
For Subramanian K and Kousalya S, residents of Adyar, love is in their names. “My husband changed his last name to my first name immediately after marriage. It was unusual in those days. Many teased and questioned him whether I was forcing him to do so. Replying to these comments, he said, ‘After marriage, a woman’s identity changes to ivaloda marumagal, manaivi, thaai (His daughter-in-law, wife, mother). Nobody would know how beautiful my wife, her name, voice or talent is’. This statement moved me and I fell for him. He is so selfless,” smiles Kousalya.
He made this move because when he introduced himself as Subramanian Kousalya, people asked him who Kousalya was and he got to talk about her to them. “When people get to know who my wife is, when I get an opportunity to talk about her, and when we talk nice things about her, it is love. Love is more about my respect for her and how I make others respect her. She is an individual and deserves all the appreciation, recognition and blessings from others,” explains Subramanian. He goes on to hold an overwhelmed Kousalya’s hands and adds, “She is my sweetheart. And I would marry her in all my lifetimes.”
Across the city, Baskaran I from Alandur shares a similar sentiment. He says, “Nooren is my wife not just in this life, but in all six others too — if the seven-lives theory is true. From the moment I saw her, I knew she was the one.” Nooren, laughs as she adds, “Ours was a love-cum-arranged marriage. We lived in the same street back then. And when he finally confessed his love to me, he didn’t just tell me — he announced it to the whole world.”
They married just eight months into their relationship and since then they have travelled together — literally. “I like travelling and knowing that, my husband takes me on tours every year. We have been to Goa, Kodaikanal, Velankanni, Nagapattinam and many other cities. All these trips have brought us closer,” shares Nooren.
‘Life is a journey and with the right person it is made easy’, this quote on Instagram fits right with this couple. “Having lived with her for more than 29 years now, we have become best friends. More than a married couple, we are friends. We still make fun of each other, talk softly, go out for desserts, and share our feelings. There is never a dull moment,” shares Baskaran.
Bonded by friendship
Friendship is the foundation for Saravanan K and Anitha S, who saw each other for the first time at their wedding reception. Anitha says, “In those days, the elders fixed marriages. We did not have a say. So, when our marriage was fixed, I was in my room and the discussions were happening outside.” Saravanan’s first thought on seeing his new bride was, “She is very fair and slim. I have a dark skin tone. The wedding pictures would look like a black and white photograph,” he laughs.
Though the couple had different opinions about each other at first, they worked on their relationship. Coming together in the institution of marriage, building a home, starting a family, and working for a better lifestyle made them realise that being together is very important in life. Anitha says, “Love, for me, is building a life together. This bond remains until death and even after that if you like to believe so.” While they might have met on their wedding stage, they make every anniversary special — Saravanan, a businessman, gifts Anitha a sari every year. The day includes visiting a temple, spending time at the beach, and ending with a special dinner. “This is our way of celebrating our relationship,” he says.
Couples like Baskaran-Nooren and Saravanan-Anitha live the famous Hindi film dialogue, Pyaar dosti hai! (Love is friendship). For Saravanan, love is all about companionship, being kind, and understanding each other. “More than love, empathy towards the other person and the mindset to not break the bond in any tough situation is more important in a marriage,” he adds.
Love finds new definitions, connections, and celebrations as we age. These couples redefine love in the generation of situationships. They assure us that love is in giving names, cooking, laughing, and togetherness. After all, love isn’t always grand declarations. It’s in the quiet moments — the unspoken promises, the warmth of presence, the comfort of a routine, and the small acts that make every day special.