A recent survey conducted by the Cambridge University revolved around the focal question — are men happier in life when they share responsibility in domestic work? The findings of the survey resulted in two main points: husbands were happier when they shared domestic responsibility, whereas for women, it didn’t really seem to make much of difference.
Said Prof Jacqueline Scott, professor of empirical sociology at Cambridge, “Men are picking up on more family conflict. However, there were really good reasons from the literature for thinking that it would be women who really benefited if the men did more. But that is not what we found. I think that it really is because by and large women have taken it for granted that they would have to do a double shift.”
Speaking to couples across the city, City Express tried to find out whether people here agreed with the findings. Here’s what Hyderabadis believe.
“Personally I like to cook and as a bachelor did a lot of the domestic work on my own. Now I’m married and have just had a baby. So yes, I do help out whenever I can. My wife used to work but is now a stay-at-home wife who’s busy with our months-old daughter. So I cook and clean when it’s necessary,” says Amogh Gonwar, a software engineer. Incidentally, having just taken a day off, he adds, “Honestly, we’re not all that busy at work as compared to what goes on at home, and I like taking a day off once in a while to give my wife a break. It does keep me and us happier as a family.”
Agreeing, Niket, a corporate employee, who recently celebrated his first wedding anniversary, says, “My wife, who also works, doesn’t really expect me to help out. But we’re both working people and so I do understand there are days that my wife is really tired, as I am on other days, and help out whenever I can.” While in both cases the husbands had wives who were working, the feeling of responsibility is something that automatically crops up. However, in cases couples where the wife is a home-maker, how does the situation fare?
Says Hemanth Kumar, “I don’t particularly agree or disagree. In my case, our responsibilities are divided, in a way of speaking. I go to work while my wife manages the home front. We have a house-maid who comes in to do the dishes and clean the house, so my wife isn’t physically taxed either. So, I don’t particularly feel the need to do domestic chores.”
At this juncture, it must be kept in mind that the survey was conducted on a global scale, where in some societies, the luxury of a house-maid is something that rather affluent families can afford and the middle-class families are used to doing their own dirty work, a scenario which isn’t true with the Indian way of living.
But even as some husbands may not feel ‘guilty’ about not helping out at home, wives seem to differ.
Says Maria George Tharakan, who along with her husband, quit her job to set up a cafe, “Definitely yes, it does make a difference to both the husband and the wife if the husband pitches in. I completely disagree with the notion that it doesn’t change the wife’s life. The expectations of the current generation woman is changing, especially since now both spouses are mostly working. While we don’t expect them to shoulder an equal amount, some responsibility on their part goes a long way in making our lives easier.”
Agreeing, Varsha Nagpal says, “At the end of the day, the husband is coming back to his house and family. So if he doesn’t share any of the domestic responsibility, he’s going to end up distancing himself from the family and them taking him for granted. By taking part in cooking, cleaning and taking care of the children, he’s not only keeping himself aware of what’s happening at home, he’s also building a relationship with not just his wife but the family as a whole.” On whether it makes a difference to her as a wife, her answer is an affirmative.
“Since we’re both working, it’s the only quality time we can spend together, and it helps take the burden of me too. And it feels nice. After all, I get the same weekend that he gets as time off.”
So, survey by a reputed body or not, seems like the academicians have gotten it half right this time as women across are changing as are their requirements and expectations. So prospective husbands beware! If you think you can get away from buying the groceries or changing the diapers, think again.
