HYDERABAD: This year’s Olympics have been quite inspiring, entertaining, and mostly free, thanks to Jio but with free streaming comes free opinions, and a common sentiment every Olympics is that we, as a country, do not win enough medals. I think this is a fair concern, but if we look at countries that win a lot of medals like the USA, China, and Japan, we see that they have systems in place that nurture athletes and assure a multitude of medals. When we compare performances, we surely are on an upward curve in the medal tally. However, if we need more medals, we should play games that we are good at, like the US does with basketball and African Americans do with running.
Here are some games that, if introduced, we will surely win more medals in:
Synchronised driving
Have you ever seen bike riders form an imaginary car and drive so parallelly perfect? They take turns like a car, occupy the same amount of space, and have conversations exactly like people do in cars. If curling can be a sport, then I think synchronised driving is no less of a skill. We will win all the gold, silver, and bronze medals because Hyderabadis have a clear advantage, as we have been doing it on roads, off roads, and on flyovers. Trust me, some people don’t even disturb the image while making a U-turn.
Getting in and out of a running train/bus
I have seen men with a bag on their back, a lunch box on the side, and a phone in hand get into an already running bus like it’s not a bus but a red carpet waiting. This sport requires crazy skill levels. You need to be aware of the speed of the vehicle and know when to start acceleration. You need run up and time your jump perfectly. To win this, we don’t even need the government to build new facilities; all one has to do is try and catch bus no 10H. Other countries like the US and UK won’t stand a chance because their buses have closed doors and regular stops.
Auto acrobatics
What if fitting 16 people in a vehicle meant for only four people was a sport? Hyderabadi auto drivers would rule the Olympics for years, like India did in hockey until 1980. As of now, PV Sindhu is the most successful Olympian from Hyderabad but once this sport is included in the Olympics, every auto in Hyderabad will have a gold medal hanging alongside a nodding dog on the dashboard.
Trash toss precision
Our shooters have been the biggest contributors to our medal tally, which speaks volumes about our aiming skills. But whenever I see garbage precisely thrown just around the dustbin and never inside it, I firmly believe this is not carelessness but a skill. However, we’ll face tough competition from countries like Bangladesh and Pakistan.
Petrol pals push
This is more than a sport; it’s an art form and a noble deed. If your bike runs out of petrol and you are far from a petrol bunk, a good Samaritan will appear randomly in Hyderabad. With three limbs on his vehicle and one leg on your bike, he will push you to the nearest petrol bunk. How does one even develop this skill? Nobody knows, and that’s why we will win.
There are other sports that can be considered where we are quite good already, like placing a kerchief for a seat, collecting fake certificates, driving on the wrong side without batting an eyelid, and squeezing through traffic. All these are very honourable and skillful activities that should be added so we can shine with gold all over.
(The writer’s views are his own)
Sandesh Johnny
@johnnykasandesh
(This comedian is here to tell funny stories about Hyderabad)