My job here is simple. As the subheading says, this comedian is here to tell funny stories about Hyderabad. And last week, Hyderabad was all about two things: Siraj and rain.
I delayed writing this article, overthinking which one to choose. Then a friend said, ‘Club both in one article.’ It made zero sense, but when you’re improvising, the first rule is to agree and add. So… yes, and…
Siraj: A day before the match, Siraj was warming up for a tough Test.
Hyderabad: A day before the rains, Hyderabad was warm and humid — preparing for its own test.
Siraj: He’s not batting today, so no pressure yet.
Hyderabad: When it rains, the air pressure drops too.
Siraj: Suddenly, wickets start falling.
Hyderabad: Suddenly, it starts raining.
Siraj: He sees Chris Woakes break his branch.
Hyderabad: We see tree branches break their arms.
Siraj: Day 2 morning, Siraj gets out for zero and returns to the pavilion.
Hyderabad: Day 2 at work, everyone’s on WFH. Work
done = zero.
Siraj: By evening, India is all out. Siraj returns and takes 4 wickets. A very productive day.
Hyderabad: By evening, we realize it’s logout time, so we pretend to work for four hours. Just another day.
Siraj: Day 3, India bats again. Jaiswal strikes like thunder and scores 118. What a clutch performance.
Hyderabad: Thunder strikes Hyderabad just as everyone steps out. Clutch stops performing due to water inside.
Siraj: Sees Akash Deep score his first 50. Nightwatchman or a full-time batsman?
Hyderabad: Flyovers look like the Arabian Sea for the first time. Is that my watchman or a full-time fisherman?
Siraj: Probably happy with Jadeja and Washington’s fifties helping India reach 374.
Hyderabad: We’re happy the rain stopped, so we rushed to finish all the pending chores.
Siraj: Zack Crawley messes with him, angers Siraj, who then takes his wicket the next ball.
Hyderabad: The rain messes with us, makes us angry, and drenches us the next moment.
Siraj: Root and Brook add 195 for the 4th wicket. Siraj misses the GOAT Bumrah.
Hyderabad: It rained 151.5 mm and we’re missing a BOAT.
Siraj: Drops the catch of Brook — what a blunder!
Hyderabad: People still ride bikes without raincoats — what a blunder!
Siraj: Rain stops play at the end of Day 4.
Hyderabad: Rain doesn’t stop. It stops everything else.
Siraj: Siraj strikes again — England lose their captain Pope.
Hyderabad: Thunder strikes again — infrastructure in Hyderabad loses hope.
Siraj: Now Prasidh Krishna also joins the party by taking wickets.
Hyderabad: Now along
with rain, traffic also joins the party — commuters feel like hit wicket.
Siraj: Takes the final wicket with a perfect ball in the blockhole.
Hyderabad: A truck falls into a black hole.
Siraj: Wins Man of the Match and returns home safe.
Hyderabad: Everyone stuck under the metro pillar man up to match the surge uber price and reach home safe.
Siraj: India wins.
Hyderabad: Hyderabad survives.
Sandesh
@msgfromsandesh
(This comedian is here to tell funny stories about Hyderabad)
(The writer’s views are his own)