Yes.
I realised this in 8th standard.
It was 2005. The Supreme Court made Environmental Science compulsory in schools so children could learn about deforestation and the harmful effects of cutting trees.
Great idea. Horrible execution.
They cut trees and printed EVS textbooks. Then made us copy the same thing into another notebook. Then tested our knowledge by conducting exams on more paper.
And some students were so passionate about saving the planet that they took additional sheets to score more marks in EVS.
Masterstroke.
I was personally against this. So I never did EVS homework. I didn’t complete projects. I scored less. I stood outside class in the sun for not doing homework.
My mother was not happy. But Mother Nature was.
I think cutting trees is a carnal instinct for humans.
Every story told to us as kids had a protagonist cutting down trees.
Remember the foolish woodcutter who was cutting the very branch he was sitting on? Turns out, we elected that guy as head of state. In every state.
And only yesterday I understood the honest woodcutter story.
His axe falls into a river. A goddess appears and offers him a golden axe. He says no. She offers him a silver axe. He says no. Then she offers his old wooden axe and he says yes.
They told us he was a humble, honest man.
No.
He actually had the contract to cut down KBR Park. The money from that contract was more valuable than gold and silver. And now, because of the goddess, he had two extra axes to finish the job faster.
We need a new story. A new philosophy that makes us care about the planet properly.
But we don’t have a Buddha for this age. And even if we had one, where will he meditate? There are no trees left.
Even if he finds one tree and sits under it, within three days one JCB will come. He will be arrested for trespassing on government property.
Environmentalists are trying. I respect them. But even their ‘Save Trees’ placards are made of paper.
It’s like printing ‘save paper’ on 500 pamphlets.
And activists have jobs. They have to go back to office in the morning.
But the government? This is their full-time job. They can wait for activists to sleep and cut trees at 3 am also.
Bollywood is also trying. Jackie Shroff carries a plant like a locket and says, ‘Grow trees’.
The only person who took him seriously is Tiger Shroff. His acting reminds us of trees.
IPL also tried, but in a way that doesn’t work at all.
IPL says they will plant trees for every dot ball.
Really? Dot balls? In T20?
This is the format where every ball goes for boundary. And that is where you choose to plant trees?
Are you saying I have to count on Mohammed Siraj for oxygen for future generations?
Also, where are those trees? Every season they say they are planting trees. By now there should be a small Amazon forest behind Uppal Stadium.
Unless they were talking about money plant or family tree. Because those are the only trees that seem to grow properly in IPL.
My solution is Chipko movement all over again.
Each man for his tree.
Like how everyone has to serve in the army in Israel, everyone should dedicate two full years of their life to hugging a tree.
For two years, your only duty is tree duty.
After that, go back to life, i.e. cutting trees.
But for those two years, if someone comes to cut the tree, you just hug it and stand there.
Or else someone will always be cutting trees and getting us closer to the sixth mass extinction.
Sandesh
@msgfromsandesh
(This comedian is here to tell funny stories about Hyderabad)
(The writer’s views are his own)
