Hyderabad, apparently the most liveable city in India, is now facing a water shortage, and an emergency has been declared. Congratulations. At least we won’t be seeing that piece of news anymore.
The reason, they say, is El Niño. Yes, sure. But blaming only El Niño for the water crisis is like dinosaurs blaming the asteroid. They had nothing to do with it. We, on the other hand, have something to do with the water shortage. You point one finger at El Niño without realising the other four are pointing at us.
And the fastest-finger-first winner is real estate.
We removed lakes, built buildings over them, used more water to mix the cement, and then ordered water tankers to supply those very buildings. You see what you have done, Aparna?
And then, half the buildings, if you ask me, are unsold. So why are we making more? I know they’re unsold because there are way too many people on the roads handing out real-estate pamphlets. People are calling me randomly, desperately trying to sell me a two-and-a-half-BHK. It’s like the whole city is a real-estate advertisement.
Second, it’s us. We have evolved so much in the way we consume water. We need ice water to drink and hot water to bathe, in the same season, irrespective of the weather. Really? What kind of evolution is this, where the water outside and inside your body needs to be at opposite temperatures? And then, to regulate our body temperature, we need an AC. I’m sure our tails had temperature regulators, which we lost somewhere along the way while evolving.
Then there are water tankers. A water tanker is not a water tanker anymore. It’s a water sprinkler. An oil tanker doesn’t spill oil. A milk tanker doesn’t spill milk. So why are water tankers spilling water?
I have never seen a water tanker that doesn’t spill water. I thought they were leaking because they were old. But then I saw a brand-new one, with plastic covers still on the seats, and even that was spilling water. So it’s clearly a deliberate design. This has to be the work of the antagonist from Captain Planet.
Now, what happens next? Don’t worry, we will find water. But my speculative brain wonders whether we will start buying water in black, just as people have done with other essential supplies during shortages. There could be peddlers in Dhoolpet selling black water. The Eagle team might start a new department called Fish to investigate people selling water illegally.
But right after the news of the water shortage, we got the news that Cyclone Arnab was approaching, and people were actually relieved. My friend told me, ‘Hey, a cyclone is coming. Maybe the water levels will go up!’
No, buddy. The only thing that will go up is our cortisol levels.
I’ve given up on my generation. We look at every environmental crisis and think, “Hey, I’ll be gone in another 50 years. The Earth will be gone in another 100 years. Let the next generation deal with it.”
So I’m hoping Gen Z takes care of it. Along with aura farming, I hope they also invest in rainwater harvesting.
Sandesh
@msgfromsandesh
(This comedian is here to tell funny stories about Hyderabad)
(The writer’s views are his own)
