My friend (part of one big friends group) is acting weird. He is surrounded by people who love him. But his attitude to others seems to have changed. He has become more selfish and inconsiderate. The others feel hurt and betrayed. I am not sure how to help them. I know they should sort it out, but this is a delicate situation.
I want you know the difference between a rescuer and a helper. Rescuers discount others’ ability to solve problems, and take it upon themselves to solve other people’s problems. Rescuers do more than what the situation demands but they generally end up feeling victimised. A helper gives needed support so that others can help themselves. If you want to be a helper, then you should ask if they need your help. If they want to solve it themselves, so be it. If they ask you for help, then you can facilitate an open communication where they don’t blame each other. However, do not expect a fixed outcome though through this. Sharing differences among yourselves is in itself a bonding process.
- A Geethan, psychotherapist and organisational consultant.
(He is the founder-director of Nibbana (Visit www.nibbanaindia.com). You can send in your queries to queries.edex@newindianexpress.com)