I always get trapped into worrying about something in life. What should I do to worry less in life? Worrisome
Dear Readers,
Ladies and Gentlemen, another winner for this week’s conversation. I’m actually elated at the way our conversation is progressing week on week. I say this as, we’ve been discussing some great practically required introspective thoughts and concepts. Worrying is a 'natural' aspect of every individual’s life. In fact there’s plenty of research that shows clearly that even animals tend to worry about various events that they are experiencing. So when animals tend to do this, it’s all but natural for us humans, who possess a higher cognitive level to worry about things.
What is Worry?
I’m my opinion, worry is basically a feeling or emotion which is a type of obsessive behavior each and every one of us have. I say 'obsessive' because we seldom are able to break off from this emotion easily, rather we tend to repeat this behavior every time we get a chance to. Worry may be just a thought or a combination of thoughts, mental images, real events/experiences or perceived imaginations. We might start to worry about a present challenging issue or a issue that we perceive we may have to face in the future. Worrying to a level actually leads to constructive and efficient outcomes, like for example using a helmet perceiving a accident or keeping a bar of chocolate with you. But excessive worry leads to anxiety issues which might lead you to get into an obsessive cycle of getting anxious about everything in life and in due course of time get hysterical for everything.
Why do we worry?
When we look at the basics of Human Behavior and cognitive ability, we all have two basic functions that our mind has... When we face danger.
This is commonly known as the “FIGHT” or “FLIGHT” mechanism. Our minds prepares us to face the issue if we are well equipped, or instructs us to escape or avoid the situation if we’re not equipped. For example, if we’re in a jungle and hear a roar, normally we tend to search for a safe spot or climb up a tree till we get help. Now, in the same scenario if we’re equipped with a fire torch or a gun, we tend to carefully navigate to the nearest exit as we can definitely face the animal. Sometimes, your mind isn’t equipped with enough information to choose whether to FIGHT or FLIGHT because of which it goes into a constant never ending loop of thinking about the issue from the start, not arrive at a workable solution and start the process again but to no avail. In this process it tends to, (in a metaphorical way) get “OVER HEATED” wicked leads to anxiety, frustration, suppressions or depressions. This happens as there is a inability to take a decision and also not able to arrive at a pragmatic solution.
Beware!
Worrying after a degree not only leads to anxiety issues but later starts to have a colossal effect on your health. Our thinking affects our body too which we refer to as “Psycho-somatic” effects. Since worrying is a negative emotion, too much of it affects our health to a great extent too.
My Advice on How to Stop Worrying!
We all worry! But what is the reason/challenge? We all need to first maybe make a note of all the things that is bugging the life out us. It’s very important to be aware of our worries primarily. I mention this as a step as majority of the people don’t know why they are low (worried), but say, they are JUST LOW! Next, When you’re comparatively free, relaxed and calm. Allot some THINKING TIME to solve this worry. But ensure that you’re not busy or in the middle of any activity. Solving your worries is like solving a tough mystery. It requires focus! Now, analyse whether you can actually solve this worry on your own, or need help from others. If you can solve this on your own...prioritise and keep a deadline to work on the issue that’s making you worry. Solve it & Rock it! If it requires help from others, please choose carefully whose help or assistance you seek. It really matters as, the person who you depend on to help you solve your issue has to be genuine and concerned about your well-being while having enough exposure, expertise & maturity to be able to support you to get rid of your worry. Basically well equipped with whatever it takes to help you solve your challenge.
If it’s unsolvable... Then leave it to the “Almighty”. ACCEPT UNCERTAINTY! As you have to at one point of your life. It’s OK. We cannot be in control of everything. Sometimes we have to learn to “LET GO!”
“STOP WORRYING AND START LIVING!”
With Regards Adarsh Basavaraj"The Coach"
I haven’t done well in my board exams. I am worried about my results because my dad is really strict. He might beat me. I am scared! Scare Dad
You should’ve put in more efforts and prepared better. That apart, there’s no point worrying about what’s going to happen dear. What’s done is done. I think it’s better that you sit with your dad and tell him the truth. So that it doesn’t come as a shock to him. Also, when you are able to gauge that he’s losing his temper, tell him to calm down and listen to you. Please apologise genuinely first and then put across your point. If you do it with a negative attitude, you might be kicked next. And I’m serious about this, please show this message to your dad or ask him to write to me. I’m against physical violence against children. So I’d like to help him handle his anger better. Hitting you isn’t going to help. Prepare well from now on. Don’t give chances to your dad to get angry with you, instead make him proud of you. That’s a heavenly feeling, trust me!
I am an engineer and wished to work for ISRO, but lack the score. Is there any way to improve my engineering score after graduation. Would you advise me to repeat the course? Grades Matter
Let me first make you understand one thing in life. It’s not wrong to dream. But it’s also OK if every dream doesn’t come true. I always wanted to be a Formula 1 Driver! God blessed me in such a manner, I couldn’t fit inside the car! What I’m trying to make you understand is that, we all don’t get all our dreams. Maybe you’re destined to do something better like in my case. I’m happy that I’m the reason behind the smile of so many people, it’s actually good that I didn’t become a F1 Driver. Coming to your query, there’s no way you can improve your score, once you’ve graduated. If you want to redo the course, and again you don’t score well, you’ll be wasting a lot of time. I really hope you’re not planning on writing the same exam with your son/daughter. It’s not about expecting jobs higher than your capacity, but understanding what you’re really interested in and pursuing that irrespective of where you work as long as you’re doing what you like. So first sit and think what you’re highly interested in, see if there are any other certification courses that you can take up and get good placements and pursue it.
It’s OK if you don’t get into ISRO, work well and aim to join NASA in the future by excelling in your profession.
I am a II year engineering student. But I always wanted to be a writer and I am pursuing writing as my hobby. Any suggestions?? Writer's Woes
Hello. I must say that I’m really happy that you know what you’re interested in. To become a good writer and then a good author, you need to ensure that the language that you use should be very polished and cannot contain colloquial terms or slang. We often tend to use words like “Macha, Bhai, Guru” etc. When we’re conversing, but the same lingo cannot be reflected in our writings. The next important aspect is your vocabulary and grammar. You need to be clear about the words that you’re using to describe a particular context or situation so that it invokes a “feeling” in the reader. One mistake that I’ve seen many do, if you don’t have a very high vocabulary and don’t know fancy words, it’s still OK. You can use simple words and still put across your message effectively. In fact, that’s exactly what I do. Finally, write about things that makes you feel deeply connected with. Those are the subjects that you will be very good at and you shall excel at it.
I am a 30-year-old married lady. I got married with the person I loved for 12 years against my parent's wish. My parents have never called me since then. But I miss them. What should I do? Tension Hours
Let me be honest. It would be very challenging to make the situation back to NORMAL or like as if nothing ever happened. Firstly, I’m happy that you’re happy. Because nowadays, LOVE MARRIAGES are losing its charm. I know this as I get lots of queries and clients who are facing issues after getting married to the person they loved. So be happy that you’re blessed! Coming to your parents behaviour, I want you to first understand that their reactions and behavior is normal. Parents would have literally seen us grow in front of their eyes. When we go against their wishes, not only are we making them unhappy but also make them feel terribly let down. Also let me tell you, irrespective of their behavior, they also will be missing you. You just need an ice breaker to get things rolling in your favour. Now my advice, you need to do two things. One, get a hold of your relative or family friend who is close to your family, but also loves you. Seek their help to have a discussion with your parents. You’ll have to call mom and start talking to her. Later it’s time to start talking to your dad. Fathers tend to have a sense of possessiveness, especially with daughters. You have to beg him for forgiveness, at the same time also assure him that you’re very happy and have taken the right step in life. Remember, the key word is PERSISTENCE!
I am facing difficulty in choosing my subject. I was interested in engineering but people said that it's tough. Is engineering the best course to study? And if not, can you suggest some of the best courses? Confused Kid
Before I tell you what to do, let’s be clear about one aspect. If you’re not interested in something, now matter what others say, you’ll find every course tough! On the flip side, if you’re interested in what you’re studying, you’ll excel even the toughest course out there. So my first advice would be to find out what you really are interested in. Whether Engineering, Commerce, Management or Humanities subjects. You need to then pursue what you’re interested in like I always advise. The reason people find engineering courses tough is firstly because of math. Secondly because they take up a discipline which they’re not interested in. Since its a highly technical subject, when you’re not interested in something, you’ll not be able to comprehend. If you’re interested in pursuing a post graduation, you can always take up a management or Commerce course and do your MSc or MBA.
I feel depressed without any reason. I do not feel like talking to anyone and if someone talks to me, I get angry! What's wrong with me? Lone Wolf
It's something that's very common that happens to all of us.
So my first advice to you would be to calm down and not treat it like a big problem. Why I'm asking you to take it so easy is because, the more you think about it, the more you feel that something is wrong with you because of which you might lose focus on important things in life. The reason why you feel that your mood is out is because you're preoccupied with a particular challenge that you're facing or a particular desire that you aren't able to fulfill. Whatever the issue might be, you need to sit down in a calm mind, relax and first understand what is really eating you up or creating that worry. The reason why you get angry on people when they talk to you is because you're already trying to find a solution to a challenge, and people are not actually able to help you.
Always remember, ONLY YOU CAN HELP YOURSELF. So, take my advice – You need to first understand what is bothering you. Then you'll be able to handle it.