Whenever I talk to girls, I get nervous. What can I do, sir? I don't think I'm shy, but still, what happens is every time I open my mouth in front of girls, I always say something wrong. I feel very bad after that...please give me some suggestions.
The Shy Guy
I completely understand what you're going through.
My first advice to you, and all the others who are asking me the same questions over and over again...Is to STOP BEING LAZY and follow my columns regularly. I've written about this time and again. But still not to dishearten you, here goes. The main issue in your case is that you're trying too hard to be PERFECT in front of girls. I say this because you're aware that you're not shy, but still fumble for words when you have to interact with girls. As I've said before, don't aim to make every girl you talk to fall in love with you. It's a general tendency in this age, which is why I'm here to advice you. Also remember, when you really find The One...she'll love you the way you are...she might even find your shyness attractive. So don't try too hard to be attractive, be yourself! Interact with them like how you do with boys. But ensure that you avoid talking to girls with your Macha types slang and inappropriate topics like Sunny Leone's past, for example. You'll be just fine.
My boyfriend of the last 5 years slapped me so hard that it left me bleeding, because he was upset with me using slang. I broke up with him at that moment itself but after a couple of months he asked for forgiveness and I thought of giving it a second chance. Later, I realised that things were not like before, and I moved on. I really love him, but can't trust him. He wants me back in his life and I know he is very loyal to me and loves me more than anything. I am confused. Please help - Second Chance
First things first! It might be my personal opinion...but I don't appreciate a man who cannot control his anger and gets violent with a woman. I'm not saying it's only his fault, you might be equally at fault too. Judging by his behavior, it's not about you just using slang...but where and in front of whom. If you have used slang in front of his friends or people who have become embarrassed with your behavior, people only point fingers at him and make him feel bad. So my first advice for you is to ensure that you stop using slang and get out of this habit. Not only for the sake of this relationship, but for everyone in your life. Coming to your present issue. Please REMEMBER, once a relationship loses it's CHARM, it's very challenging to get it back on track. If you ask me, I would say move on but since you're so confident about his loyalty and love towards you, I want you to consider the next aspect also before taking a call. A compromise is an integral part of any relationship, but compromising for the sake of the relationship itself makes it an obligation, that's what I feel you should avoid. I'm also worried about his temper. Today it might be because of your slang, tomorrow he might again get violent for another reason. That's why I feel you're in danger, if this violent behaviour of his becomes a habit...you're going to end up as a victim of domestic violence. You'll have to handle him very carefully and ensure that you compromise on a lot of aspects if you still choose to continue this relationship. This is where you need to ask yourself if you are ready for this compromise. After considering my advice and asking yourself...do what your heart tells you to.
Actually I love someone and he also loves me...but the problem is that he's my uncle's son. I don't know if my parents will accept him...On the one hand they like him so much as he's my uncle's son, but I don't know if they would like him as my partner, and if they don't, what should I do? Please help me.
Taboo Love
I'm happy that you're already aware of the fact that loving him as a relative is different from accepting him as your partner. So I'll not spend time explaining that. Next, before you think of anything else, you need to be aware of another aspect – the practices followed in your community/culture. In some cultures, it's OK, and in some others, it's not taken lightly. So you need to figure that out. Once this is done, you need to ensure that he's either in a good financial position or is sure to get placed before you take this forward. Every parent wants the best for their child. One of their main concerns will be whether the boy can take care of you as well as they have been. The final step would be to discuss this issue with your parents. Choose who's very close to you first, like your mother, or you could even consider taking the help of your brother or sister (if you have one). If you don't have the courage to discuss everything at once, at least give them a hint and see what happens. If they are cool about it, proceed. If they are not, I'm afraid it'll take a lot of persistence and persuasion for this to work. That's when the question of how deeply and strongly you both are in love will arise.
I am 20, have finished my diploma and am working now. The thing is, I love to travel. Travelling always fascinates me. I want to see every corner of the world. So, are there any jobs which pay us for travelling around the world? If there are, then how should I prepare for it? And how should I approach the employers?
Wanderlust–bitten
I must tell you, if what you're asking me was easy...I would've been the first to do it. I'm not saying it's impossible, but the options that you seek for are definitely limited. Also, do remember that if you're really serious about this, you'll have to take a different route in your career altogether. There are very few professions that will involve travelling immediately and also pay you. In the sense, you can travel to a lot of places if you reach a higher position in the software industry, for example, but for you to immediately start travelling and get paid for it is a challenge. Here are some options if you're looking for a job. Become a tour guide with companies like Star Tours, Kesari, Cox and Kings etc which have international travel packages.
You can also consider becoming a teacher in English, yoga, Zumba or anything that will give you an opportunity to teach in any country that you choose to. If you're interested in photography, somehow getting an opportunity to work with companies like National Geographic etc will also open up a world of opportunities for travel. If you're OK being in the air most of the time, you can also do a diploma in institutes like Frankfinn and become a member of the Cabin Crew of a reputed airline. But if you're very good in writing, in a position to experiment and don't have immediate financial constrains, you can become a blogger and earn money... But you'll have to invest in your travel initially until you get enough number of people to read your blog. If you progress well, you might have even get hired by a lifestyle magazine or a newspaper to regularly write the travel Column. See what suits you and go ahead.
Is it love, lust or infatuation?
I am confused between love and infatuation. Tell me, what is love? How can I know if I am in love with someone?
Love versus Infatuation
Dear Readers,
In my persistent effort to always ensure that we have conversations that are life changing, intriguing or about something that's plain confusing in life...this week's conversation definitely does justice, especially since this is one type of query I always receive.
First things first
We humans are very complex in nature, especially when it comes to our emotions, feelings and behaviour. Which is why what I do might look simple but there's a lot of complex calculations involved. In the same way, when it comes to matters of the mind and the heart, what we feel may look different on the surface and might be totally different when we go to the root of it. That's exactly what happens in Love.
Lust? Infatuation? Love? What is it?
I think it's highly important that I first make you all aware of the differences between the three. Lust is the sudden rush of hormones when you're attracted to a person just by their looks or physical characteristics wherein you just want a chance to have a sexual relationship because you find that person 'HOT'. It is a very temporary phase and in case you're successful at having such a relationship, that's it! It ends there.
Infatuation is a feeling that's a notch higher, wherein you're not attracted to the person just physically, but emotionally as well. Here, its all about EXPECTATIONS and keeping the relationship exciting.
Finally, LOVE! Aah, that beautiful, wonderful feeling that you experience which makes you feel on top of the world. The best indicator of TRUE LOVE is the time that you both have actually taken to get there. Love is based on a strong foundation, and it takes a pretty long time to fall in love. Love is unconditional and free of expectations, none of the factors matter. Even if the person has a lot of negatives that you do not approve of, the intensity of the feelings towards that person remains the same.
How do You Differentiate?
The first indicator is always the duration. If you say you're in love with someone you met a couple of months or even a year ago, I would still assert that it's infatuation. If you've known each other for years and started off as good friends and later felt it to be more...Yes! You're in love!
The next strong indicator is whether you can just be 'YOU' with the other person, irrespective of your flaws and still feel secure and loved.
My Final Word.
Lust and infatuation do lead to true love, but only after a period of time. If you're in relationships that are still immature, go with the flow...GIVE IT TIME and see how it goes. Ensure that you're clear about what you want. Always remember that LOVE is all about WE and not about I, it is where you are ever ready to COMPROMISE on anything and everything just to ensure that you're both happy and not just one of you.
Like I always say, TRUE LOVE has no EXPIRY DATE, You don't SEARCH FOR LOVE...IT FINDS YOU!
With Regards,
Adarsh Basavaraj,
The Coach
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