I'm very worried about going to college next week because of the things I have heard. People talk about ragging and scary things like that. Even my brothers and sister have told me that I am weird because of the loose clothes I wear and how I'm not trendy enough. Please help me overcome these fears and be able to fit in without being ragged.
The Misfit
Dear Readers,
This query made me very nostalgic, as it took me back to the days. I'm sure that you all have had BUTTERFLIES IN YOUR STOMACH before starting your first day in a new school or college because of various factors. The new environment, new people, the anxiety of all these factors and of course the new educational system that you'll be exposed to. But the other side of the coin which bothers many, is the anxiety of being bullied, not being able to FIT IN to the new environment and the fear of getting RAGGED.
Why do we feel this way?
We feel this anxiety because of one simple phenomenon known as Social Anxiety. This exists in a majority of us. The magnitude or intensity of how much we have it is what makes the difference in coping with NEW ENVIRONMENTS.
What is Social Anxiety?
In simple terms, it is the fear of being judged or inspected by the people around us before we are able to establish a relationship with them and make them aware of WHO WE ARE.
Ragging is often termed as a menace, especially in medical colleges as it leads to significant psychological damage. There have been reported cases of suicides too.
Considering the bottom lines, there are mainly two types of ragging that you might face. The first being the Jovial, Good intention, Fun type of ragging.
My advice here is to take it lightly, be sportive and have fun while you're doing it. The more you hesitate, the more you'll be targeted and stressed. Think of it as a training activity to help you come out of your comfort zone. This will also help you become more productive in the future.
The second type is the clash of egos and unruly behaviour types. This happens when seniors try to tease you collectively, ask you to do stupid stuff or pass damaging comments about your appearance etc. In this situation, you have to be as polite as possible and put your ego aside. If you react right away, remember it'll only cause more unruly behavior and might escalate to something abusive because the whole point of their behaviour is to make you accept their superiority. If things go out of hand try to use excuses like 'I have to urgently call my dad/mom', create an emergency and take their permission, if required even request them and get out of the situation.
Please remember that ragging itself is prohibited but is considered OK only as long it's not being abusive or damaging to you. It is a very strictly punishable offence.
My final Word,
Always remember two things, YOU ARE WHAT YOU ARE! You don't have to change or pretend to be accepted by people around you. Secondly always BE SPORTIVE, remember that the more you REACT, the bigger the KICK for people around you and they'll make your life even more miserable. If it becomes too tough to handle, approaching your lecturers, management and keeping your parents informed is the best. But NEVER EVER LET these trivial things affect you and damage you psychologically in any way.
With Regards, Adarsh Basavaraj The Coach
I am in love with a girl but I don't have the courage to go and tell her. How should I approach her? I feel very scared to talk to her. Please help.
Helpless in Love
Mr. Lover boy, the first, most basic thing they you need to find out is if she's single or already taken. If she already has a boyfriend, you wouldn't want to try to get into a mess right? It's better you move on then.
Next important thing is, as I've written in my earlier column "Love, Lust or Infatuation" (read it online), you first need to understand that it might be infatuation. So don't term it LOVE and confuse yourself. Now, whether you like it or not... You have to let her know right? She's not a mind reader who can understand that you're having feelings for her.
So here's my advice,
Somehow start the process of communication with her. Text her, start having a conversation with her. Once she's comfortable texting you, ask her out for a cup of coffee. See how it works out, check out how comfortable she is. How well she talks to you and also how well you're able to keep the conversation going. If it works out well, go out at least three to four times and then if you feel she likes your company and easily agrees to go out with you or even initiates the meets, you've gotten it right buddy.
Tell her that you have feelings for her and see how it goes. But one important BRO TIP: Don't have expectations. That way you'll not feel bad even if she says she doesn't feel the same way about you.
I was in love with a boy, but due to a misunderstanding he started hating me. I wanted to sort the problem out but he doesn't even want to see my face. He even blocked my mobile number. His friends also hate me and ignore me. This problem follows me whenever I make new friends. I do not have even a single true friend. Should I stop trying with people? Friendly Matters
First, regarding the boy. I want you to understand that there might be a chance that you're trying too hard to get in touch with him. Give him some time and SPACE. it happens sometimes and trying to get in touch might further irritate him. If he's blocked your number, that shows how frustrated he is. In a situation like this, it's better to give it some time.
After some time, try reaching out to him with a different mobile number, and apologise for the misunderstanding. Don't push him to come back. Then you have no other option but to wait. If he starts to get back in touch with you, your job is half done and you both can slowly rebuild your relationship. But if he doesn't... Then that's OK, you'll have to move on. Give it some time and enjoy with your friends for at least a year without expecting to fall into another relationship. I'm sure you'll find someone with time. You need to relax, do something interesting.
Coming to friendship, I feel there's something in your behaviour that makes them uncomfortable or showing off a negative attitude. I say this because you're telling me even new friends do the same. It might be even the way you communicate. My best advice is to meet some of your friends whom you feel the MOST comfortable with in the lot, and have an open discussion with them and ask them why they don't talk to you properly. Tell them that you're trying to improve and have an open mind and listen to them. I somewhere feel that you have a tendency to hurt the feelings of people when you don't get your way. That's something you really need to work on and understand the other person's situation by putting yourself in their shoes
Hi sir, I have completed my 12th standard. I scored 1126 marks. I know that I'm capable of more. It's because I was in love with a girl. My parents think that she is the reason for my low marks. I love her from the bottom of my heart and she too loves me but this confuses me sometimes. I love her but is this good for my life and my studies? Please help
Caught Between Two Worlds
What do you mean by "I was in Love?"
Let me first tell you one very important aspect. Love is something that happens to every one of us. But how excited you are about it and how you handle it is what makes the difference. This is why I constantly tell you all, that you're too YOUNG to actually understand LOVE and the OUTCOMES of it.
If you're somehow damaging the important parts of your life like studies, personal life with your parents, relationships with your friends because of love, then you're not handling it well. I say this because you have clearly said that you're capable of more and this shows that you're distracted by her. This is an age wherein you tend to get distracted by love because of which you mismanage your other priorities.
If you want me to be very brutal with you, your parents are right.
Next, if you want my honest advice. I don't say LOVE is bad for your life, but at your age, it shouldn't be given first priority. That doesn't mean I'm asking you to never fall in LOVE. I'm just trying to make you manage it better.
If you study well, make it your first priority and score well in all of your education, then get a good job. You'll be able to convince your girl's parents easily and they will be ready to get her married to you because you're well settled. BALANCE, my friend... That's the key.
Hello sir, please suggest ways to overcome stage fear and keep my concentration and confidence
Bundle of Nerves
Conquering Stage fear isn't very tough. You just need to practise, practise and practise. Remember that everyone makes mistakes. It all depends on how much effort you put in to conquer stage fear. Please understand that we all passed this phase and it's a part of life.
Here are some tips.
Reach the place where you need to be on the stage, much earlier and get comfortable with the ambience and surroundings.
If you get a chance to interact with the audience, talk to as many people as you can, so that you don't feel threatened on stage and you would have some friendly faces in the audience, as you would have already acquainted your self with them.
Imagine somebody you like is sitting amidst the audience and train yourself not to let them down, in the sense you should rock it to impress him/her.
Don't forget to relax. If you're tense, do something that relaxes you like listening to your favorite song etc.
You'll have to ensure that you look confident, so to help that, go in your best dress. That'll help.
This should get you started.