GUJARAT: Contracting polio at two and living with 90% disability could have left Madhu Ramanbhai Patel dependent on others. Instead, with support from her family and guided by three words taught by her mother—“Chal-she, Faav-she, Gam-she” (it will work out, I will adapt, I will come to like it)—Madhu built an independent life, cared for girls with disabilities for eight years, competed in para-sports, survived a failed marriage and found happiness.
A native of Kanjali-Kampa in Idar, Sabarkantha, Gujarat, Madhu was the eldest child of RamanbhaiArjanbhai Patel. Her battle with polio began when she was barely two. Her father was then in Arabia for business, while her mother managed the household, helped her grandparents with farming and animal husbandry and raised four other children.
News of Madhu’s condition plunged the joint family into grief. Her grandmother cared for her, while the family arranged treatment and offered prayers. Madhu recovered only about 25%. When treatment failed, her parents faced a difficult question: what would become of their daughter? Their answer was education. Some people questioned spending money on a child with severe disability. Her parents refused to accept that thinking.
“Many people in the community and village would ask my parents, ‘What is the point of educating this daughter? There is no sense in spending money on her,’” Madhu recalled. “But my parents did not listen to them. They prioritised my life and my future.”
“I consider my brothers and sisters my own limbs, my left and right. They have always stood beside me,” she said.
Her father’s search for an appropriate educational institution led to Apang Manav Mandal in Ahmedabad, an organisation working for people with disabilities. Madhu was admitted in Class V.
Sending their daughter to a hostel was agonising. Madhu depended on underarm crutches and had to navigate life without her family. The separation was especially difficult for her mother. “She would cry and wonder how I would manage alone, who would lift me if I fell, who would comfort me, and what would happen if I did not like the food,” Madhu recalled.
Festival days were painful because Madhu could not return home except during summer vacation. Yet her mother gave her a mantra for survival. “Whatever happens, remember three things: Chal-she, Faav-she, Gam-she,” her mother told her. “It will work out. You will adapt. You will eventually come to like it. Face hardship, make good friends and remain cheerful.” Madhu embraced those words. She completed Classes V to XII at Apang Manav Mandal. She formed a lifelong friendship with Kirti, another girl with a disability, which she said became stronger than that of sisters.
After Class XII, Madhu studied at St Xavier’s College, completed post-graduation at the Gandhi Labour Institute and trained in computers at the Blind People’s Association.
“I wanted to become self-reliant and live with dignity. I did not want to become a burden on anyone or live under someone’s pity. I wanted to live life on my own terms,” she said.
Madhu became a housemother at Apang Manav Mandal’s girls’ hostel, where she had spent her formative years. For eight years, it was her workplace and an extension of home. “When a new girl came to the hostel, she would often remain withdrawn for 10 to 12 days after her parents left.
She would not eat properly, and I could see the tears in her eyes because she missed her mother’s love,” Madhu said. “I would sit with her and tell her my story. I had also arrived here in the same way.”
Madhu understood their challenges, from returning late from college and worrying about discipline to personal difficulties and menstruation. She stepped into the role of a mother whenever needed.
“Only the wounded understand the wounded,” she said. The work strengthened her confidence and patience.