Few film scenes have made a poignant impact as deeply as the ever-jolly Saji’s breakdown at a psychologist’s consultation room in
‘Kumbalangi Nights’.
Saji, played by Soubin Shahir, is the typical case-study man. Hiding heartbreak, anger and a sense of inadequacy in silence.
When he finally breaks down, resting his head against his therapist’s chest as years of pent-up emotion spill out, the scene drives home a simple but powerful point: men can cry. And they, too, need support.
For a Malayali audience accustomed to seeing men bottle up their feelings, drown them in alcohol, or mask them with anger and bravado, a mainstream film showed that vulnerability was not weakness.
Seven years later, the scene remains relevant. Perhaps it is even more relevant today.
Behind that silence lies a set of deeply ingrained expectations about what it means to be a man — expectations that mental health professionals say often prevent men from seeking help when they need it most.
“The issues that men are facing today stem from the concept of toxic masculinity,” says psychiatrist Dr Arun B Nair. “There is a prototype of masculinity that is celebrated globally — a man who shoulders everything on his own, does not ask for help, does not open up and does not admit that he is in pain.”
For generations, men were expected to face difficulties with a “tough it out” mentality — to remain stoic, self-reliant and emotionally restrained. But mental health experts point out that the original idea of stoicism was very different from the modern interpretation often promoted online.
In ancient philosophy, stoicism emphasised virtues such as wisdom, justice, self-discipline, and positive transformation. It was not about suppressing emotions altogether but about responding to life’s challenges with balance and perspective.
Today, however, stoicism is often reduced to emotional suppression, a shift that many psychologists believe has become a barrier to men’s mental health.
According to Dr Arun, depression remains the most common mental health condition affecting men. Around 10 per cent of men experience depression at least once in their lifetime.
Persistent sadness, loss of interest in activities, fatigue, sleep disturbances, poor concentration and feelings of hopelessness are among the warning signs.
Depression in men, however, does not always look the way people expect it to. Irritability, anger, aggressive outbursts and behavioural changes are common manifestations. Men are also more likely to turn to self-harm.
“Depression and anxiety frequently coexist with alcohol and substance use disorders. Men who find it difficult to express vulnerability may instead turn to alcohol, tobacco or drugs as a coping mechanism,” Dr Arun says.
Anxiety disorders are another major concern. Panic disorder, social anxiety and generalised anxiety disorder can manifest through symptoms such as chest pain, breathlessness, racing thoughts and intense fear.
“Modern life is stressful for everyone. It is important to connect with others, share problems and seek support. But toxic masculinity often prevents men, especially adolescents and young adults, from doing so,” he says.
For software engineer Suryaraj P S, seeking help came only after hitting the rock bottom. A few years ago, he experienced a panic attack while commuting to work. He was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder.
Looking back, Suryaraj believes years of unspoken emotional pressure had contributed to his condition.
“I realised that a lot of it came from societal expectations and not having a space to express what I was feeling. I was penting up things internally,” he says.
The diagnosis also changed the way he viewed conversations around mental health. After he opened up about his experience, several men in his social circle privately reached out to him, sharing their own struggles. Some eventually sought professional help.
“What surprised me was how many people were dealing with similar issues. Men may not talk about these things openly in a group setting. There is still a tendency to brush things off in public, as though nothing is wrong,” Suryaraj says.
Psychiatrist Dr C J John concurs, recalling the case of a 50-year-old businessman whose worsening alcohol dependence was initially seen as the problem. In reality, it was a symptom of untreated depression.
“The relatives also did not consider the possibility of depression when he showed behavioural change,” says Dr John.
“The man had become withdrawn, lost interest in work and experienced significant mood changes. Alcohol temporarily eased his distress, but eventually led to dependence. Once his depression was identified and treated, his life gradually returned to normal.”
Mental health professionals note that while women are more likely to be diagnosed with depression and anxiety, men account for a disproportionately high number of suicide deaths worldwide. One reason is that emotional distress in men often remains suppressed until it reaches a crisis point.
Many men struggle to identify and articulate what they are experiencing. Even with family and friends.
Experts stress that changing attitudes alone is not enough. Men need spaces where they can talk without fear of judgement. Community initiatives, peer-support groups and informal networks can help reduce isolation and normalise healthy emotional expression.
Mental health awareness must also begin early. “Changes are hard in a society that scripts gender roles. Ventilating emotions in appropriate ways are part of healthy life skills for both genders. Sharing distress and seeking help is no shame. This message has to go to boys right from school days,” says Dr C J John.
“Strength and suffering can coexist. Boys should be made to understand that speaking up or seeking help is not a sign of weakness.”
Looksmaxxing: Chasing the ‘perfect man’
The pressure on men is no longer limited to being successful, strong or financially secure. They are also being told how they should look.
From chiseled jawlines and six-pack abs to flawless skin and thick hair, social media is flooded with images of the “ideal man”.
The result is a growing obsession with appearance among young men, driven by a trend known as looksmaxxing — the pursuit of maximising one’s attractiveness.
“Social media and influencer culture are playing a major role in the rise of looksmaxxing,” says Dr C Manjula Rao, a clinical psychologist. “Many young men feel that looking attractive can help them gain confidence, acceptance and even career opportunities. But placing too much importance on appearance can lead to stress and disappointment.”
The trend has fuelled growing demand for aesthetic treatments, ranging from medical-grade skincare and hair-loss therapies to minimally invasive cosmetic procedures, says dermatologist Dr Sindhura Mandava. “One has to be wary of risky online advice, unsupervised use of prescription products and unregulated at-home treatments that can cause lasting damage.”
Psychologist Seema Lal argues that these trends are part of a larger commercial ecosystem that profits from insecurity. “We are facing a generation dealing with deep body image issues,” she says.
According to her, the process often begins by creating a problem that did not previously exist. Fairness creams marketed specifically for men are one example. “A need was fabricated,” she says.
The pressure begins early. Boys who do not fit narrow definitions of masculinity — whether in appearance, body type or behaviour — often experience feelings of inadequacy. And this sense of frustration carries on throughout adulthood.
Experts say the challenge is helping boys and young men understand that self-worth cannot be reduced to appearance and perceptions driven by social media. “To breaking this cycle,” says Seema, “we should first create spaces where they can express emotions freely and reclaim positivity.”
In Numbers
72% of all suicide vicitims in India in 2023 were men
Around 1.23 lakh men died by suicide in 2023, nearly three times the number of women
Of the 14,234 unemployed people who died by suicide in 2023, 11,775 were men
Family problems and illness remain the leading causes of suicide nationally. The National Mental Health Survey found a high burden of untreated mental illness and substance-use disorders among men, with stigma continuing to be a major barrier to seeking help
4.6% of adult men experience depression globally
Despite lower rates of depression diagnosis, men account for a disproportionately high share of suicide deaths globally
WHO researchers point to stigma, reluctance to seek help, and social expectations around masculinity as key barriers to mental-health support for men