Two fatal road accidents involving teenagers in Keralam have reignited a debate on parenting, privilege and accountability.
On October 11 in Nedumbassery, a speeding premium car allegedly driven by 19-year-old Suhail Sajeev rammed a scooter, killing three people. The car had reportedly been gifted to him by his mother on his birthday.
On October 25 in Cheranalloor, a luxury sedan allegedly driven by a 17-year-old fatally knocked down Jayabalakrishnan, 55, who ran a wayside eatery in Chittoor. The incident triggered public outrage and demands for stringent action against the minor’s guardian.
On October 27 in Kozhikode, a 16-year-old student died after the vehicle he was riding crashed into a roadside wall. Ajal was returning from a gym with two other minors. He was not wearing a helmet, and succumbed to head injury. His father was booked.
Such accidents are not new. Figures from the Integrated Road Accident Database show 646 accidents caused by minors in Kerala in 2023-24. Yet teenagers continue to take vehicles onto the road, and some even post their “adventures” on social media.
A 52-year-old woman was recently booked by the Adoor traffic police for allegedly allowing her 16-year-old son to drive a car. The minor was found posting videos of his trips in a car and a motorcycle on social media.
Notably, the Cheranalloor case adds another dimension. The minor reportedly told police he had learnt to drive from YouTube videos, while his father, an additional district judge, said he was unaware his son had taken the car.
Together, the cases raise questions about supervision, access to vehicles and the gap between a teenager’s confidence and competence.
More importantly, many parents have been left with an unsettling thought: “What if it was our child?” And this is a worry that extends well beyond road safety.
At the core of the debate, experts point out, is the difference between gentle and permissive parenting. The former emphasises empathy, respectful communication and age-appropriate boundaries. The latter offers warmth without adequate limits or supervision.
Senior consultant psychiatrist Dr C J John says parenting is more than fulfilling wishes. “There is nothing wrong with giving children incentives or encouragement, but these must be based on what they actually need — not just what they want,” he says.
The trouble begins, Dr John adds, when parents equate material possessions with love. “Without meaningful engagement, children may begin to associate affection with what they receive rather than the relationship they share with their parents,” he says.
This can foster entitlement. “Children must learn to postpone gratification,” he says. “Life does not work on the principle that every need will be fulfilled immediately.”
Such children may carry the same expectations into public spaces. On the road, that mindset can be deadly. A teenager may be physically able to operate a vehicle without being psychologically prepared for its risks.
“The Cheranalloor case highlights the difference between being able to perform an activity and being ready to undertake it safely,” says Dr John.
“Access to technology or familiarity with a vehicle cannot substitute for proper training, legal eligibility and an understanding of road safety.”
Freedom must, he stresses, come with accountability. “Parents need to explain not only what children are allowed to do, but also why certain boundaries exist and what can happen when they are crossed,” he says.
Positive parenting, Dr John explains, is a continuous process. “Discipline does not mean parents suddenly start imposing harsh restrictions once children reach teenage. Such a shift that can lead to rebellion,” he cautions.
“The ideal approach is to build a platform of positivity and encouragement, and then help them understand why certain curbs are necessary.”
Sounds nice. But can parents ever be perfect? “No. Being a parent is a tough job, and being a perfect parent is impossible,” says consultant psychiatrist Janaki Sankaran.
A question she hears often is how to balance strictness with gentleness. Gentle parenting, she says, does not mean dispensing with discipline.
“Discipline should begin from an early age. Both parents need to be on the same page when it comes to family rules,” she says.
Boundaries should be set early and adjusted as children grow, with freedom to make choices within them, she adds.
If a child must study three hours a day, for instance, they can decide when, provided they complete the time.
Rules on, say, road safety or social media should apply to everyone in the family, without exception. “That will set an example for the children to follow,” Janaki says.
“Parents should also explain the reasons behind rules in an age-appropriate way, listen to their children’s opinions and, above all, practise what they preach.”
Responsibility, however, extends beyond the home, says ADGP (Law & Order) P Vijayan.
“It should be a three-tier approach. Parents, teachers and schools, and the society at large have to take responsibility to prevent children from engaging in illegal activities,” he says.
Early intervention is crucial, he says, because helping children after an offence can be difficult. “Parents, teachers and others can often notice deviant or emotionally charged behaviour beforehand,” he says.
“Few children fall on that spectrum, but noticing and helping ensures they never willingly break the law. Parents and others must also stop minors from driving, including two-wheelers, while schools should teach the legal framework and the police must play a protective role.”
Vijayan also stresses the need to spot red flags beyond road accidents. He recalls a case from his days as commissioner of Kozhikode, where he dealt with a group of boys who stole and sold vehicles and computers.
“With the money, they started buying flashy clothes and riding around on motorcycles. Anyone could have noticed the change in the teenagers’ lifestyle… a neighbour or teacher could have noticed it. But that didn’t happen,” he says.
“Only when the police caught them did everyone, including parents, realise. But by then it was too late. The corrective measures were no longer the purview of parents or the school. The message here is that we need to care about children collectively as a society.”