Guilt, Shame – the awful private feelings that will never allow to feel good – that we are faulty, that our very being is disturbing others, that the world would reject us if it knows what really we are.
We find many ways to cover ourselves from other people's judgment – like trying to fake our actual self, showing anger for small matters, rejecting to interact with people, etc.
These feelings start accumulating us in childhood. An abused child starts feeling worthless, irresponsible. This is the root cause of shame and guilt.
External variables such as appearance are associated with shame and guilt. People are aware of the fact that they are always being judged by someone or the other. A random person who passes by us, will judge us by the way we dress up and appear.
We want others to feel good about us, so we act according to the expectations of the society. If we can’t live up to the expectation, we start feeling shameful.
This feeling of shame makes us feel the ‘odd one out’. When we feel like we are not one among the crowd, we think that there is something wrong with us – that we are not being normal. This makes us feel guilty.
These haunting feelings affect us in all ways. We will not be able to concentrate on what we do, we will not perform well in job, and we will not even get along with people.
So how to get rid of these feelings:
Try to understand what exactly is making you feel guilty:
No one is perfect. If you try to rectify your fault, you are ahead of the others who have not even realised their faults.
Don't have Hateful Thoughts on Yourself:
You have to start feeling good of yourself. Do something to feel good – like helping the poor and needy.
Avoid being with people who make you feel bad:
This is very simple to follow. Try to be with people who like you, and your presence. This way you will have healthy interaction with people.
Feelings of shame are common for everybody during hard times. We don’t belong there. We are loved, we are worth.
If you don’t know how to handle…let go of guilt.