It starts innocently enough: a late-night swipe, a fleeting match, a witty comment. A quick, addictive jolt of validation. But in the world of dating apps, not everyone is looking for love. Some are chasing something far more hollow: ego-scrolling.
Unlike ghosting, which occurs after a connection falters, ego-scrolling is baked into the first interaction. Swipe. Match. Bask in the attention. Disappear. The goal isn’t connection—it’s confirmation: I am desirable.
“We’re living in a time where attention is abundant but connection feels rare,” says relationship expert Varinderr Manchanda. Dating apps are engineered to keep users swiping. “Anonymity and instant gratification only fuel the ego-scrolling loop,” Manchanda adds.
Lexi Wright’s 2021 thesis, Play a Love Game: Applying Gamification Components to Online Dating examines how platforms increasingly leverage gamification to hook users. Wright explains that the addictive qualities of apps like Tinder or Hinge are deeply neurochemical: swiping triggers endorphins, while intermittent rewards—akin to a casino slot machine—activate the serotonin system, fostering compulsive behaviour. “Getting a match provides immediate validation,” Wright notes.
The Emotional Fallout
The toll of ego-scrolling isn’t confined to the scroller alone. “Over time, this behaviour can leave individuals feeling emotionally numb or disconnected,” warns Manchanda. The validation high fades—and what’s left is isolation. For those on the receiving end, the impact can be equally destabilising. “At first, it feels flattering—like you’ve caught someone’s attention. But when that attention vanishes, it leaves you questioning whether you were ever truly valued, or just a temporary ego boost,” says counselling psychologist Shruti Varma.
Ego-Scrolling or Uncertainty?
Discerning whether someone is ego-scrolling—or simply unsure about online dating—can be tricky. “Someone who's uncertain moves slowly but stays emotionally present. Egoscrollers, on the other hand, engage only when it serves their need for validation. They’ll flood you with attention, then vanish, leaving confusion in their wake.”
Signs to watch for include inconsistent communication, reluctance to meet offline, and a focus on surfacelevel interactions. “If someone makes you feel uncertain more often than they make you feel safe, that’s a red flag,” Manchanda says.
Finding Connection
As the digital dating landscape evolves, so must our approach. Experts agree that mindfulness and self-awareness are critical.
Dr Taylor Elizabeth, Emotional Intelligence and Etiquette Coach says, “Knowing what you want isn’t always easy. But it’s the first step toward reclaiming your heart. Don’t settle for superficial affection when you’re capable of experiencing something deeper.” Varma echoes this sentiment, encouraging users to examine their motivations. “Ask yourself: Am I seeking connection or just filling a void? It transforms how we connect.”