Nobody is going to say it but somebody has to. Women like sex as much as, if not more, than men, especially when their pleasure is prioritised by themselves as well as their partners. Sex can be life-affirming when women are not forced to perform it as a marital obligation or made to endure it in order to pop out children to prove to society at large that the man ‘can do it’. Yet, even in this so-called liberated age few things are more stigmatised or villainised than feminine desire.
Indian society at large is notorious for treating any sexual activity women participate in as icky, shameful, and sinful. The near unanimous response when a woman dares to discuss her sexual needs and preferences is a resounding ‘CHI!’. Conversely male sexual profligacy is applauded and criminal deviance is routinely excused and explained away. Not surprisingly most women across the caste, class, and ideological divide have woefully inadequate information about their bodies and even less about intercourse. They suffer in silence faking migraines, stifling their urges, remaining sexually frustrated, and being absolutely miserable.
Leaving biology and bodily needs aside, our interactions with others are shaped by cultural and sociological expectations. The expression of a woman’s sexuality has long been curtailed by the imposition of tropes about the ‘Ideal Woman’, rules preventing sexual exploration, deifying feminine chastity, and emphasising that sexual activity be confined within marriage and reproductive goals. The reason for this is simple economics, since the world is fuelled by unpaid female labour and convenience, as it suits the apex predators to enforce the continued dominance of men. Women demanding sexual rights forces men to up their coital game or end up getting unceremoniously dumped. And if the itihasas, puranas, and the rest of Indian mythology teach us one thing it is that male performance anxiety is not something to be taken lightly as they actually go to war and assorted killing rampages on account of their extreme fear of incelhood plus insecurities over real and imagined deficiencies regarding male equipment.
Small wonder we have cultivated a thriving rape culture where women’s bodies are routinely policed and violated with the justification that they asked for it by showing a hint of ankle or happened to be out after sunset or simply stumbled onto the path of a pervert. Every time we take strides towards equality and grudgingly admit that women are not lesser than men, the backlash is instantaneous, to effectively block advances via vicious reprisals. Which is why the sight of a young girl in a cute cropped top sitting behind a boy on a two-wheeler is sufficient to bring out the neanderthals from their caves to grope, and terrorise if not to rape and kill.
Going forward it is more imperative to normalise female desire rather than employ it to serve male appetites within marriage, pornography, or brothels. Sexual ideals need to reflect reality and not some impossible ideal. There is no need to shroud sex with shame where women are concerned when it can be a safe space for connection and joy. If, as the adage goes, only mad, bad, and sad women commit crimes, then the sensible option is to make sure that women are sexually satiated and blissed out.
anujamouli@gmail.com
