One reason why some address inanimate objects, giving vent to their anger, is because such things cannot retaliate by talking back. Such outbursts, however, will be short—may even be a choice abuse delivered with pith and vigour.
Like when the hammer missing the nail’s head hits hard the thumb holding it. A screwed ball of paper aimed at a dust bin in the corner lands on the floor instead. The last piece of roasted ground nut eaten from a conical pack tastes yucky. A strand of intruding hair found curled up in the bhelpuri heap. Or a stapler pressed into service to hold together important documents merely clicks with no pin in the groove.
Many men who use a bike or a car habitually address their long-serving vehicles. Whenever such a rider tries to kick-start the bike or guns a cold engine after long hours of inaction in the stables he would initially coax them with request, appeals and pleas. But should the automobile refuse to produce combustion he would use choice words of abuse which may galvanise most of them to spring into life. A few obstinate vehicles would grudgingly relent only when a swift kick is administered on their bodies.
Computers are angels incarnate when they are at their best. Sadly, that is not to be at all times. Should they get into one of their dark moods which invariably occur when their services are badly required, it is worth listening to the monologue the users will have with a PC or laptop that had hung. “Come on, baby,” they may cajole, as if talking to their wives taking a whale of a time in getting decked up. Such words of endearments may change to dark threats but would give place to a whoop of joy the moment the gizmo relents, exemplifying the love-hate relationship between a man and the machine.
Locks instantaneously open when the dedicated keys are inserted and turned. But if the key is lost and an effort is made to open using a well-known substitute like hairpin, many men would carry on a fervent monologue with the recalcitrant lock while coaxing it to acquiesce.
Hurls of abuse are not restricted to inanimate objects alone. They are directed at times to birds and animals as well. When a man walks under a canopy of trees, a crow flying on its short trip from point A to point B may unwittingly “bless” him from above with a sticky blob of its poo. Though crows are believed to be our ancestors in their subsequent rebirths, an exception is made to rebuke them for their impropriety.
Apropos of politically incorrect words used by grown-ups with short fuses against inanimate objects, a woman asked her son what his father said lying on the floor in a heap when the ladder he climbed up to reach the loft buckled toppling him. “Shall I leave out the bad words, mummy?” the boy asked.
“Of course, dear,” said the mother. The boy thought over awhile and replied “then he said nothing”.