Dear small, but not insignificant percentage of the world’s parenting population, why are you giving the rest of us law abiding parents a bad rep? why? Over the weekend, I received a message from a friend. She had just returned from Gulzar’s session at the Bangalore Poetry Festival and had the great misfortune of meeting one of ‘those’ parents. “The mother,” she wrote “shoved her kid behind her on the chair. Said kid bounced up and down, so we also had to do the same. We all looked like kangaroos in a line. And then, another child moaned loudly about wanting to go home and so we missed half of Gulzar’s poem. His mum however, listened in rapt attention.”
That last line explains it all. As parents we have managed to filter our children’s moans, groans and general all-round annoyingness. They have become a part of the white noise soundtrack of our lives. But that doesn’t mean that the rest of the world can’t hear them or feel their rhythmic kicking against the back of a cinema seat.
Now I know what some of you are thinking: “Well how else will young Bubloo gain an appreciation for serious art and culture and grow in to a sensitive young human?” Or: “Can’t people have more patience?” See, young Bubloo would probably rather be at home watching Ninja Hattori than listening to couplets. And if Bubloo was truly a poet in the making, he would be able to sit and listen. Secondly, NO you can’t expect other people to be patient with your kids. (Except on long haul flights, where I think parents with small children should be cut some slack.
Unless they’re plugged into inflight entertainment while their kid is barfing on a co-passenger. Don’t be that parent.) It’s bad enough that we have all been terribly selfish in having children and destroying the planet (where do you think all those diapers and chewed Tommy Tippee sippers are going?), now we’re going to ruin what’s left of everyone else’s time on earth?
Fellow parents. I feel for you, I do. No one knows better than I what it’s like to be deprived of a social life because of the repercussions of unprotected sex. How a pelvic examination can feel like ‘me time’. But please, make your peace with the fact that the next few years of your life will be spent watching children’s theatre, cinema and musical shows. And that’s not a bad thing. In fact, it’s a wonderful thing. I now find myself looking forward to the next Avenger’s movie (and no, the buff men have NOTHING to do with it) as much as my kids do.
I read children’s books even when my kids aren’t around. And children’s theatre can be great fun. One day, they will be old enough to take along or to leave behind without it being an imposition on someone else. Till then, remember what it was like when YOU were the person suffering someone else’s whining child at the cinema. To those who have suffered greatly at the hands of other people’s children, I apologise. My advice? Perfect what I call my Paatala Bhairavi look. That will shut them up.
(The writer’s parenting philosophy is: if there’s no blood, don’t call me)
