Modi makes Giriraj Singh, the minister for micro, small and medium enterprises, Minister of State in External Affairs in charge of Africa and the AU summit as reward for his remark—“If Rajiv Gandhi had married a Nigerian lady, someone not white-skinned, would the Congress have accepted her as its leader?” Modi further allots him official quarters in Khirki Extension, the area in Delhi which is a veritable melting pot of people of many nationalities, some African as well. As soon as the announcement is made, Nigeria recalls its envoy from New Delhi. This throws open the question how Africa might vote if India is to canvass its support for a membership in an expanded Security Council. Hailing the BJP, Somnath Bharti quits AAP and joins BJP, and Kiran Bedi tweets against him.
In a related development, Modi also appoints Sakshi Maharaj as minister for family planning for his widely reported and far-reaching statement at the Sant Samagam Mahotsava in Meerut to the effect that “the concept of four wives and 40 children will not work in India and the time has come when a Hindu woman must produce at least four children in order to protect Hindu religion”. Soon thereafter Sakshi Maharaj’s ministry tweets catchy slogans like, “Hum do, Hamare Chaar” and “Abki baar, chaar chaar”, which the ministry embraces as though they are policy framework. Sadhvi Prachi also joins in the chorus, by saying, “I asked people to have four children, not 40 puppies.” The Congress, anxious to have the last word, reminds the nation of Modi’s “puppy under the car remark” and hands out “puppy on board” stickers at all important traffic red lights in South Delhi. Society for prevention of cruelty to animals issues another strong statement against running down the fair name of dogs and their progeny.
Nawaz Sharif is tried for treason after the Modi government through well-placed leaks in the media suggests that it is actively considering awarding the Pakistan PM the Bharat Ratna and giving up claims to the Jinnah House in Mumbai as well. The leaks are not specific about why exactly Sharif is being considered except for vague throwaway quotes on “promoting good neighbourliness” with the word “Kashmir” thrown in liberally for good effect. There follows an unexplained purge in the Hurriyat, and Syed Ali Shah Geelani tries unsuccessfully to seek refuge in the Pakistan High Commission in New Delhi after he is stoned by crowds in downtown Srinagar where he demands that the AFSPA be withdrawn. Most of the breakaway Hurriyat join the BJP citing ‘Sabka saath, sabka vikas’. BJP comes to power in Srinagar winning all seats in Jammu and Kashmir except for three—Ganderbal, Habba Kadal and Charar-e-Sharief, all of which go to DMDK, something which pollsters are at a loss to explain.
Barack Obama walks into the sunset after his second term and begins a wonderful Bollywood career, as a part-time comedian, small-time paan-chewing villain, and full-time bhangra dancer. In one dialogue that becomes famous, he tells a Giriraj Singh lookalike: “Remember, I’m from Kenya, not Nigeria.” Obama also perfects delivery of “Koi baat nahi senorita, bade bade deshon mein chhoti chhoti baatein hoti rehtein hain”, with SRK helping him to get it exactly right. Michelle Obama also moves to Mumbai and starts a successful dance academy. Sunny Leone joins the Congress and becomes the chief national spokesperson. Only then Rahul Gandhi becomes Congress president.
Sudarshan is the author of Anatomy of an Abduction: How the Indian Hostages in Iraq Were Freed sudarshan@newindianexpress.com