Happiness. It’s the one thing we all want—through career success, money, recognition, relationships, or that next big milestone. We tell ourselves, “Once I get there, I’ll finally be happy.” But what if the more we chase happiness, the more it slips through our fingers? In today’s world, happiness has become something we perform rather than experience. Social media only amplifies this illusion—everyone seems to be living their best life, so why aren’t we? The truth is, the harder we try to manufacture happiness, the more we invite anxiety, self-doubt, and exhaustion. Could it be that in our relentless pursuit of happiness, we’ve actually lost sight of what it truly means?
The Comparison Trap
Social media has turned happiness into a competition. We scroll through curated highlight reels—perfect vacations, career wins, glowing relationships— and start believing that happiness is about achieving what someone else has. But what we see is only half the story. Seeing someone else’s success, celebrations, or even their morning smoothie can make our own lives feel ordinary. Influencer culture only fuels this, glorifying hustle, materialism, and picture-perfect moments. But is this real happiness? Or just a dopamine-driven illusion that keeps us hooked on external validation? Studies confirm that excessive social media use increases anxiety, depression, and dissatisfaction with life.
Chasing Highs, Feeling Low
Modern happiness is built on dopamine—the brain’s “feel-good” chemical. Quick bursts of pleasure from likes, purchases, and distractions keep us coming back for more. But here’s the catch: dopamine is addictive. The more we chase it, the less satisfied we feel.
The Cycle Looks Like This
1. Buy something new, feel good, the excitement fades. 2. Post something online, get likes, crave more validation. 3. Achieve a goal, feel great, immediately set another one. We’re wired to believe that happiness lies in the next thing—the next milestone, the next achievement, the next external win. But the more we chase, the more we reinforce the idea that right now isn’t enough. True happiness isn’t about constantly reaching—it’s about appreciating the now.
Why Suppressing Emotions Backfires
We’ve been told to “just stay positive” when things go wrong, to “look on the bright side” and push through. But the truth is, forcing happiness when you don’t feel it doesn’t make you happy—it just makes you feel like something is wrong with you for not being able to. This is toxic positivity, the idea that we should only focus on good emotions and ignore anything uncomfortable. The more we suppress what we’re feeling, the more those emotions fester beneath the surface, waiting to explode as anxiety, exhaustion, or resentment.
The Power of Living in the Present
Happiness isn’t hidden in a job title, a bank balance, or a perfectly curated Instagram feed. It’s in the little things—a shared meal, the warmth of morning sunlight, an unexpected laugh. The practice of gratitude shifts our focus from what’s missing to what’s already here. Research shows that daily gratitude not only improves mental health but also lowers stress and increases overall life satisfaction. The irony of happiness is that the more we chase it, the further it feels—but when we slow down and truly experience life, we realise it was here all along.
The Real Key to Happiness
The paradox of happiness is that chasing it often leads to disappointment. The more we run toward it, the more elusive it becomes. But when we slow down, live in the moment, and find joy in the little things, we realise happiness was never something to be hunted—it was always something to be created.
(Coutinho is an integrative lifestyle expert)