My nephew and I finally reached the pastry counter. We were at the most popular bakery in town and we’d been waiting in line for over 30 minutes. I would have gladly gone elsewhere but my nephew wouldn’t hear of it. Apparently, this was where all the cool kids ate.
Anyway, here we were, finally at the counter; ready to buy the raspberry cupcake and chocolate macaron the lad wanted. Except he didn’t want them anymore. “I think I’ll have the Nutella cupcake and red velvet cheesecake instead,” he said. Just as the girl at the counter went to pack them, he changed his mind. “Sorry. Can I have the nutty chocolate cupcake and the banoffee pie? No wait. Maybe, the… ummmm. Let me see…”
And so, it went on. He kept choosing things, only to change his mind almost immediately. The girl waited patiently; the crowd behind us not so patiently. Finally, in the interest of public peace, the manager intervened. He made my nephew pick two items, and directly rang up the bill. I paid, and we moved to a table so that my nephew could eat his goodies. On the plate were the cupcake and macaron he’d originally wanted. “I’m not sure I got the best things,” he said even as he wolfed them down.
I was about to deliver a cutting response when I remembered all the times I’ve battled with indecision. Not in bakeries or stores, for sure, but I too have dithered and debated about making a decision when faced with too many choices—all of which looked equally compelling, or equally awful.
There’s a hip new term for the problem, FOBO or the fear of a better option. The term was coined by authorventure capitalist Patrick McGinnis, who also came up with the term FOMO (or the fear of missing out). But while FOMO is largely voluntary, FOBO is not. It springs out of seemingly nowhere when you need to make a choice, and fills you with the fear that you’re gravitating towards the wrong thing and a better option is out there somewhere. This fear paralyses people and keeps them from making any decision at all.
This indecision is troublesome not just for you, but also for the people you live and work with. No one wants to be around someone who can’t make up their mind about things. So how can you resolve the matter? According to psychologists, you need to start by acknowledging that you have a problem making decisions. Also, understand that this is not a novel issue. Even big leaders feel uncertain at times. You just need to work on reducing your moments of uncertainty.
How? By realising that most of the decisions you make in your daily life are not life-altering ones. If you buy the wrong book or medicine, you have the option of changing it. If it’s something bigger like a car, you can use it till you can afford to change it. If you don’t like a new job, you can start looking for a new one. Nothing in life is permanent.
Psychologists also suggest that you discuss your situation with friends or colleagues you trust. Ask them how they tackle decisions and seek suggestions on what you can do differently. Do not, however, go around asking people to decide for you. Remember, you are the best qualified to make decisions about your life, especially when it comes to important matters.
Finally, don’t punish yourself even if a decision turns out to be wrong. Mistakes happen. Accept that you made a bad choice. Remember it, don’t repeat it and move on.
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