Amal Clooney and George Clooney image used for representational purposes only
Amal Clooney and George Clooney image used for representational purposes onlyPhoto | AP

Stare at your wife is to look into yourself

Marriage is a human contract with all the flaws and merits people are born and die with. You work on it, and at it, seven days a week, 12 months a year, all your life.
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The Bible says God created man, toiling for six days and took the seventh day off to chill. To create man in his own image, he must have worked more than 90 hours a week at least—and still didn’t get it right. On Sunday he didn’t know what to do except twiddle his thumbs and whistle a few bars of Amazing Grace. He wished he had something to stare at. And God created Wife.

Some Indian corporate caliphs have been muttering about employees not working 70-90 hours a week to boost productivity; why God created Eve for Adam, but that’s not the issue here. The latest work advice from a testy tycoon who admits to working on Sundays (Get a life, buddy) is that people must not stare at their wife and instead, must work Sundays. Because he works on Sundays, too.

One presumes therefore he doesn’t stare at his wife on Sunday, which begs the question; does he stare at her on weekdays only? Does she stare back? One starts worrying about the state of marriages today when people work on Sundays and/to avoid looking at their wives. Other business barons weighed in on the stare of affairs: Anand Mahindra loves staring at his wife because she is wonderful. Vaccine vizier Adar Poonawalla’s wife enjoys staring at him on Sundays. Zomato quipped, ‘In case you don’t have a wife, feel free to stare at your order arriving on the app.’

Whatever be the balance sheet of karma, corporate mergers and acquisitions are not the best metaphors for marriage. Marriage is a human contract with all the flaws and merits people are born and die with. You work on it, and at it, seven days a week, 12 months a year, all your life. For some it can be indentured servitude without overtime.

For others it is a leap of faith that can be taken on any day including Sundays, to land on an alien shore with a familiar ally beside and embark on a journey that reshapes and shapes them both. It is a rocky ride at times, racy at other times, and full of pleasant interludes; casting anchor and enjoying the sights. It involves the most famous four-letter word in the world. A man who cannot bear to stare at his wife is an unfortunate man indeed. As the poet wrote:

A youthful glow fades with the passing days,

Yet wisdom gleams in a thousand ways.

The laughter lines that crinkle around the eyes,

Tell stories of joy, where true beauty lies.

Poets believe that true beauty doesn’t fade like a marriage does jade. Dismissing a wife as something not to be stared at on Sundays is boorish. It suggests she is not worth looking at much. It is disrespectful to her and denigrates the speaker. It goes beyond the usual tropes of patriarchy and misogyny.

It reveals the emptiness in the lives of many powerful, successful people for whom only work is worship, because there is nothing else. It is a void they try to fill with Excel sheets, Zoom calls, PowerPoint presentations and air miles. It is an abyss which they try to bridge by courting powerful men and women who run the country: politicians, bureaucrats, diplomats, lobbyists and such like. They stare at nothing except into the abyss.

As Nietzsche said, if you stare at the abyss long enough it stares back. Don’t tempt fate, dear tycoon, lest your wish comes true someday.

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The New Indian Express
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