It’s true. The beauteous Hema Malini is contesting from Mathura, abode of god Krishna, on a BJP ticket. On Tuesday, she was showered all the way with petals, it seems, as she drove five hours from Delhi to Mathura. It was April 1. All Phools Day, no?
In Mathura, she declared, “Krisha is my first love.” Husband Dharmendra, famous as Yamla Pagla Deewana (Cuckoo, Mad, Crazy) and second love, beamed in consent. What is Hema Malini’s contribution to public life, you ask? Well, she distinguished herself in parliament by suddenly asking a question, after many years of silence, about reverse osmosis water purifiers.
Reverse. Osmosis. Let’s see any other MP get the spelling right. Not asthma sis, it’s osmosis. Her concern for the health of India’s millions may not have touched you, but it did please the makers of a water purifier, who pay her good money to endorse their products.
Fellow MP Sitaram Yechury howled in protest. An unreliable source says she told him: “What ethics and all, sir? Vaango, purified thanni podungo!” Translation: “Come, put some purified water.”
But all that is in the past, during her first term in the Upper House. She is now into her second term. MP from Karnataka. Whaaaat, you say? Okay, no need to feel so guilty. No one in Karnataka knows she represents them. But then, how can you say she is not a Kannada girl when her mom wanted her to marry the handsome Kannada playwright Girish Karnad?
That’s a story for another day, but Karnad is on record calling her a good friend and a duffer. An emphatic dhaddi. History has shown that the truly great are not affected by such silly taunts. Hema Malini rose to glory soon enough, becoming No 1 among Karnataka MPs to bunk parliament.
And, talking about identities. Hema Malini is actually a Muslim whose name happens to be Aisha Bi R Chakravarty. The one and only. Don’t roll your eyes, dear voters. The name may sound outlandish, but it’s true. She converted to Islam in 1979 when she had to marry Dharmendra, who already had a wife. He became Dilawar Khan Kewal Krishn for her. And you say the BJP is anti-Muslim?
Amar Singh takes Jaya Prada along on all his tours.
J See? The devil wears Prada.
(Full Drama with Ayyo Rama is a satire column)