Three years ago, Lenaa Kumar breezed into TNIE’s Kochi office for a Celebrity Dialogues interaction as an actor who had written a ‘bizarre’ book on self-discovery. What followed, she says, changed the course of her life.
The three-hour conversation opened up a side of Lenaa that audiences had rarely sensed: a spiritual seeker and relentless researcher.
Since then, Lenaa has moved into a strikingly different public space. Her latest book, ‘Women-O-Pause’, turns the spotlight on perimenopause and the difficult transitions of middle-age.
In this interview, Lenaa speaks about perimenopause, why men should understand what their partners are going through, marriage to a fighter pilot, femininity, social-media trolling, paranormal experiences, and more. Excerpts:
It’s been three years since we sat for an interaction in this very same studio of TNIE. Has life come a full circle?
Well, my entire life changed. That interview was pivotal. Everything changed for the better. I have to say a big thanks to TNIE.
I think it was my coming out of the closet as a spiritually inclined person who thinks out of the box. It opened the floodgates on a side of me nobody knew about. The reactions also helped me understand my audience better. Quite literally, I went from being a very introverted thinker to becoming a speaker.
My husband, Air Commodore Prashanth Nair, found me through one of those interview videos. So that was a huge turning point for me.
Did he tell you which moment bewitched him?
He got hooked by a video clip titled ‘Mohanlal is my spiritual guru’. In one portion of the interview, I am trying to say I was “searching” for something in life, and there I get stuck in a daze and just gaze into the camera. He said he saw something in my eyes at that moment and realised that I was the one he was searching for! (Laughs)
Your new book is on a totally different tangent from ‘Autobiography of God’. It has spurred an important conversation…
I am basically a researcher by nature. I apply that research to my own life. If it works well, I share it with others. With The Autobiography of God, it was a spiritual question. With ‘Women-O-Pause’, I realised this was important work — a subject people are not talking about enough even as many families are struggling with it.
How did the subject become so important to you?
I remember the phase when my mother went through perimenopause. All of us in the family experienced something, but everybody kept quiet, thinking this was our own private issue. We didn’t realise that this was a secret inside almost every family.
That’s why this book is dedicated to my mother. I realised that she silently suffered through it, and that silence affected all of us. But the silence was because she didn’t know what was happening. None of us knew.
Everybody suffers the after-effects of it. It’s not just the woman. The whole family can go through chaos and stress. That’s why awareness becomes important.
You’ve coined a word in the book — “womanescence”. What does it mean?
Everyone knows what adolescence is — personality changes, confusion about whether you are a child or an adult, psychological and physical changes, suddenly having to understand a completely new body.
For many women, perimenopause can feel like another major transition of that kind. That’s the idea behind “womanescence”. It’s the blossoming of a new phase of womanhood. Once you understand it, it need not be viewed negatively.
Were you prepared for it yourself?
I was prepared academically. But still, it has been challenging. We tend to think menopause happens between 50 and 55. But women can experience changes much earlier, and many don’t connect those changes to hormonal transitions.
Looking back, around the time of our previous interview, I may already have been going through early stages of perimenopause. Brain fog and confusion can be part of the experience.
At the same time, some of the filters women normally carry can disappear. I remember reading a comment below our previous interview: “Maybe some women deal with perimenopause this way.” That stayed with me. So I began researching. The real benefit of research came later. When perimenopause actually hits, knowledge doesn’t automatically mean you can manage everything.
For me, there was brain fog, sleep issues, weight changes, stress and anxiety. Sometimes I would wake up in the morning feeling anxious without any obvious reason. The question became: how do I deal with this? It took me almost a year to implement changes in my own life.
What kind of changes?
I began looking more closely at my health. Later, I found a functional medicine doctor in Kochi. For me, one of the issues was related to iron deficiency. Sleep was another problem area.
A woman may have lived in a certain way until 35 or 40, but later she may need to pay attention to her health differently. Every woman will not have the same experience. But awareness is important.
What should a woman facing these changes look at?
I look at a human being through four elements: consciousness, energy, mind and body.
The first thing is consciousness. You need to know that there is such a thing as perimenopause. In the middle of confusion, simply recognising that something may be happening can be the first ray of light.
Then look at your energy. Are your energy levels low? Are you unable to sleep? Do you wake up tired even after sleeping?
Then the mind. Are you overthinking? Are you experiencing anxiety? Are you suddenly worrying about things that didn’t bother you before?
And then comes the body — changes in sleep, mood, energy and weight.
The first step is often simply to ask: what is actually happening here? It is not a disease or disorder. Lifestyle changes help in a big way.
And I must stress that what I am saying or have written is not medical advice. These are questions I became aware of through my own experience and discussions with doctors.
A middle-class woman may not have the resources or self-care time available to a celebrity…
The first thing we need to understand is priority. Health has to be the foundation. If there is no health, there is no career, no wealth, and eventually, no ability to care for the family.
We have been brought up to believe that women must sacrifice themselves for everyone else. That thinking has to change. Of course, there are people living in genuine poverty. Government support becomes crucial there.
We also need to remove the guilt women often feel about spending money or time on their own health. That’s one reason initiatives such as the women’s wellness programme Poorna, launched by the Thrissur corporation, are important. I am its brand ambassador. As a society, we are only at the starting stage. I hope the state government takes it up. I heard it’s being done in Karnataka and Tamil Nadu.
Think about how menstrual hygiene changed over generations. I hope perimenopause, too, becomes normal to talk about.
There is an allegation that menopause and perimenopause — something women have faced for generations — are now being turned into a market…
There are several things to consider. Our mothers often lived very different lives. One example is the volume of microplastics we absorb everyday. It is not the same as it was, say, 30-40 years ago. Microplastics, according to studies, can impact hormone levels.
Moreover, silence doesn’t necessarily mean the problem didn’t exist. Women were often expected to suffer quietly. Today, women are more willing to raise their voices about their own needs. We need awareness and informed choices.
You stress that men should also read your book…
Again, I come back to awareness. A marriage often becomes difficult when there is no understanding. And lack of understanding can simply be a lack of knowledge.
Men experience changes too, especially with a drop in their testosterone levels. They may begin questioning their masculinity, or ability to fulfil the roles they once performed effortlessly.
In my book, I am primarily talking about relationships and what happens when people don’t know what problem they are dealing with.
Imagine an alarm going off in a house and smoke everywhere, but nobody knows where the fire is. Information helps you locate the fire. Then you can do something about it.
After reading the book, my husband told me, “Thank you for giving me the tools to help you.”
At home, we have a humorous code word: “Nagavalli days.” On those days, the rule is clear: don’t provoke Nagavalli. Let Nagavalli sit quietly and relax! (Laughs)
Your husband is a fighter pilot and astronaut. Does that place an additional responsibility on you to remain steady at home?
These are people trained to operate under extraordinary pressure. Their profession requires them to remain calm and take strategic decisions in stressful situations.
A calm person can change an entire situation. That balance has been one of our biggest advantages as a couple.
Of course, as a wife, I also feel a responsibility not to create unnecessary turbulence at home. That’s one reason I moved quickly to understand what was happening to me and find ways to manage my health.
What is your idea of romance?
Romance should feel very comfortable and very safe. I think that’s a very important part of how many women experience romance. Men may look at romance differently. There may be more emphasis on excitement. But for me, safety and comfort are fundamental.
Do you think your take on romance would have been the same twenty years back?
Maybe. At that time, my masculine energy was at the forefront. But I think the underlying thing remains that many women place a very high value on safety. Women are often more conscious of physical vulnerability. When a woman feels safe, you can see her real personality come out. Now my feminine energy is prominent. That’s part of the way I understand femininity.
How does this play out today where there are career-driven women?
Men and women have different strengths and weaknesses. They should not compete, but complement each other. If we work as a team, our strengths are doubled and our weaknesses are reduced. That’s how I look at relationships, families and society.
You became a troll-favourite after your first book and revelations at that time. How did you take that?
I laughed at myself. I enjoy humorous trolls. I even post some on my own social media. I don’t give space for negativity.
Most recent trolls were about your paranormal experiences…
There are many things we cannot see or prove easily. When humans encounter an idea that doesn’t fit their existing understanding, there can be a defensive reaction. That’s fine. But, I don’t think we should automatically dismiss every experience simply because we don’t immediately understand it.
What was your experience?
I was at a friend’s house. There was a door on one side and a window on the other. I saw a hazy figure of a person passing by. He was wearing a green kurta and jeans… about 6ft-tall. My friend remarked that the description fitted someone close who had died some months ago. That made me curious.
You also mentioned something unusual captured on CCTV at your house…
The CCTV showed: “Human figure detected.” I couldn’t immediately see a human figure. It was a night-time image. The timestamp was 3:33:03. It was amusing. So I sent the image to a friend who is an energy healer. She circled something in the image. I could see what looked like a couple. What’s strange was the date: August 26, 2023. That’s Prashanth ettan’s birthday. But I didn’t even know him in 2023. So, for me, these things become questions. How do the dots connect? And why should I be afraid to talk about something that has significance in my own life?
You earlier spoke about magic mushrooms. That generated considerable discussion and flak…
For me, it was a spiritual breakthrough moment. But I want to be very clear: it is dangerous, and I would not recommend that anyone experiment with it. There is scientific research into psilocybin and its possible effects. But research is different from someone casually consuming something powerful. I did it when I was 23. I do not want others to repeat that foolishness. That’s precisely why I talk about it publicly now. These substances can alter brain’s functioning. That’s where the danger lies. I was fortunate. That need not be the case for others.
What’s next in cinema?
Cinema will always be a part of me. Dhanushkodiyilekku is set for release this month. Then there is Bouma and Operation Tral. I am also gearing up for a two-month shoot in Nepal.
In our last interview, you had mentioned your previous life — about being a monk who died near the Nepal-Tibet border…
Actually, when I was told that this film will be based in a hill station, I was the one who suggested Nepal. People say the Himalayas have to call you. I am excited to be back there after eight years. Maybe there is some connection!
(TNIE team: Cithara Paul, S Neeraj Krishna, Krishna P S, Chandra Swasthi; Photo credits: T P Sooraj)