A heart-rending interview actor Vivekh gave to a Tamil language publication on the recent loss of his dear son has gone viral. It's grief-tinged advice to all parents has struck a chord with people everywhere.
Talking to Express, Vivekh said, "I had given an interview to an online site. It has now been passed on as a message on What'sApp and has gone viral."
The actor's 13-year-old son Prasanna died after a month-long illness on October 29 last year.
In the interview, Vivekh said, "I was asked to open up on my dear son who passed away recently but who continues to fill my heart. How would I handle this acid test? His very thought brings happy memories flooding back even as my eyes brim with tears... The pen I write with cries and empties itself. And then my heart sinks in exhaustion. Thoughts of my son envelop me like clouds filled with tears."
After months of mourning in private, Vivekh poured out his grief in the interview and then composed himself to remind parents to cherish their time with their children: "My Prasanna. Could I have been with him for a little more time? As a matter of fact, he was not one to speak much. His world comprised of a small circle made up of his piano, Amar Chitra Katha, video games, football and a select group of friends. To him, his mother was everything."
Prasanna was shy of cameras or interviews. "The words I spoke to him were very few," says Vivekh. "The reason being his replies were often monosyllables like 'Um', 'Okay', 'No'. He would never pose for a photograph. Even if we persuaded him to, he would make a face. The photos that I now have on my mobile are candids that I shot without his knowledge when he was reading, playing the piano, playing games or sleeping."
Vivekh says he struggled to be a good friend to his son. "I never scolded him, nor beat him. For that matter, I didn't even shower affection on him as well. The reason: He wouldn't allow it."
Reticent though he was, Prasanna was a popular child. Says Vivekh, "Everybody liked him. Ilaiyaraaja would ask for a picture of them together. A R Rahman would make him stand next to a piano and click a picture. Rahman would say, 'By the time he turns 18, he will be a full-fledged musician.'"
On days Vivekh didn't have a shoot, father and son would go to piano classes, Vivekh recalls, "I would buy him butter biscuits at a tea shop on the way. He used to say he liked going with me. He wouldn't get such treats if he went with his mother.
"This year, if he were still with us, he would have taken his seventh grade exam in piano. His piano classes would have come to an end with the eighth grade. Now, his piano stands wondering where its player has gone. His football lies with no one to kick it around. His video games lie idle. Every inch of my home has memories of Prasanna," says the actor.
"Until now, I considered 'puthira sogam' as just a phrase. Now, I know what it feels like," he says.
The actor has a word of advice to parents: "Bringing up a child is not a responsibility. It is an art and a science. Children did not come into this world because of you. They came through you. Be grateful to them. They are the proof of your life. Do not thrust your dreams on them. Find out what their wishes are.
"Do not force them and sow your dreams on them. If he wants to be a car mechanic, don't try to make him a doctor. Don't look at Dhoni and send your son to cricket coaching. If your daughter loves tennis, don't send her to dance classes," Vivekh says.
"Let them learn spirituality. Don't shut them up in air-conditioned rooms where they watch TV all day and snack on chips. Let them get out, play in the dirt, sweat it out and come back home. Whether they get to know the community or not, their immunity will go up.
"Bring up your daughters with courage. When the future becomes one filled with questions, they might have to fight against it. Women must be able to defend themselves."
Urging parents to introduce great leaders like Bharathiar and Swami Vivekananda to their little ones, Vivekh tells parents about the significance of indigenous herbs and plants like neem, turmeric, tulasi (sacred basil) and nilavembu and asks them to give it to their children.
Prasanna never allowed anybody to kiss him, but permitted Vivekh kiss him once. "I planted a kiss on his forehead after he died and before his mortal remains were consigned to flames," says the actor, breaking down.
"Prasanna was never cocky about being the son of an actor. He continued to play with the children of our area. Often, he would ask me for money. He wouldn't tell me but I learnt that he used to buy DVDs on which to record video games and give them to his friends for them to play. I was happy about it then, I am happy about it now," says Vivekh.
But then there's a last remembrace.
"I have this habit of not drinking water on time. The question that my son most often asked was, 'Dad, have you had some water?' Now, I have an app on my mobile which alerts me to have water on time. That app alert me by saying, 'Please drink water, Daddy,' by Prasanna'."