So, you think you are the busiest parent in the entire cosmos; more organized than the archetypal ant at work; a paragon of efficiency when it comes to being both- a provider and a caretaker at the same time; and yet, utterly clueless about how to deal with a brash and a difficult teenager back home? Time to hit the ‘pause’ button of your life really hard! Put on your thinking cap and rack your brains. If still baffled, ask yourself, “Do I spend enough time with my teen?” Crack goes the puzzle as you get your answer- “Probably not!”
In this day and age, working parents are slaving away at the office at the expense of spending quality time with their children.
The increasingly busy lifestyles of both parents and teens can be a challenge for spending quality time together. We as parents need to develop skills that are significantly different and arguably more complex than they were 3 decades ago. The reality is that teenagers today are torn between asserting themselves as adults and being children who still need reassurance, as they are very vulnerable (although they may pretend otherwise).
If you are not sensible enough to reach out to them, nurture and reassure them, it is likely that they will pull away from you and try to meet their needs elsewhere, which could make them more vulnerable to pressure from peers.
This often leads to bad associations and complicated situations that could dramatically affect the entire family. Thus, the reasons for bonding with your teenager are greater than just finding an enjoyable way to spend time together. Modern day parents must make extra efforts to stay connected with their teenagers. By breaking out of the child-parent communication mold sometimes, you would be modelling healthy interactions for your teen’s future relationships with colleagues, friends and family.
Communication breakdown has been cited as a major cause of parent-teen conflict over the years. So, let the child talk freely with you with no fear of judgment. If they don’t want to talk, that’s fine too.
When they really want to share their thoughts, they will come to you.
Let us step back a little to see where it all begins. As soon as the umbilical cord between the mother and her baby is cut at birth, the physical attachment to the mother may cease but the psychological and emotional attachment begins. And this provides a foundation for the young ones to thrive. A firm bond between mother and child affects reactions later in life. It reflects how well children do in school, how they build relationships with friends and how well they react to stressful situations. Studies have found that children who have formed a strong bond with their parents are sociable and gregarious.
Those children lacking a secure bond are more likely to be antisocial, withdrawn, hostile and aggressive.
Spending quality time with the teen helps parents and teens stay connected and can drastically improve teen behavioural issues.
It is an accepted fact that bonding develops through interaction.
There are myriad possibilities for doing fun things together.
Although teens may not know how to express their appreciation, they won’t forget the special times, especially the one-on-one times that you spend with them.
You could get creative and choose from a variety of activities. It could be the long weekend runs or a one-on-one body-weight exercise session.
Teenagers, by nature, are driven to separate themselves from their parents and become individual, autonomous beings.
They are no longer children yet not accepted as adults, their hormones are exploding, they’re trying desperately to figure out who they are, what they believe and what their capabilities are.
Though they are seeking independence, most teens are not emotionally ready to cut themselves off from a family that they love. At such a juncture, spending one-on-one time with teens-in-turmoil will not only have a profoundly positive effect on their behaviour but also help you develop an unbreakable and deep-rooted bond with them.
No matter how busy you may be or how wound up with chores, always remember to hug your children every day, preferably just as they are leaving for school and at the end of the day to let them know that you love them deeply.